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Sports Talk

By Jon Cohen

Section: Sports

September 16, 2005

ES: So Jonny what do you think about Barry Bondss return to the Giants?

JC: Despite playing in a weak division, and having an outside chance to make the playoffs, the Giants in reality have no shot of making the playoffs. Therefore, Barrys return has nothing to do with the Giants. Barry Bonds only cares about three people. Babe Ruth and his 714 home runs, Hank Aaron and his 755 home runs, and as usual Barry cares about BARRY. Barry doesnt measure success by wins and losses, but rather by his home run totals and MVPs. He is an individual in a team sport.

ES: Now hold on just a minute. Last time I checked the giants were only six games out, and playing pretty good ball. How can you argue that inserting the best player, perhaps of all time, into the middle of the lineup wont drastically improve the Giants playoff chances?

Furthermore, Barrys presence will draw larger crowds and excite baseball fans in San Francisco. I dont care how many personalized leather chairs he has as long as his OPS is over 1.3.

JC: You dont really think Jason Schmidt and co. will make the playoffs do you?
ES: No, but Im excited to watch Barry, and I think that he will make the most of these next 20 or so games. This will be an audition for an American League DH position for next year or for the year after that.

JC: Lets stick with baseball for the next question. Do you think your Cleveland Indians will hold off the New York Yankees?

ES: Im going to have to say yes, and not because I represent C-town and am completely biased. The Tribes bullpen has the leagues best ERA and its lineup has power at every position. Sabathia and Millwood, along with the rest of the starting pitching, have been dominant during the second half of this season.

The Yankees, on the other hand, have too many question marks. Their offense is spotty and has been relying on pill popping Jason Giambi to provide the big power. I also dont believe that the Yankees AARP pitching staff will be able to finish the season strong.

JC: Nothing would make me grin any bigger then to see steam come out of Steinbrenners ears as he watches his 200 million dollar investment miss the playoffs. Unfortunately, that is not going to happen. Joe Torre is going to will this team to the playoffs. He knows that his job is in jeopardy, and will overuse Gordon and Rivera to ensure that the Yanks get a playoff spot.

While the youthful spirit of the Cleveland Indians has brought them to the brink of the playoffs, it will be the lack of a proven number one starter which will derail their late season surge.

ES: Sabathia is an ace, and besides you are forgetting that the Indians have an easier schedule for the remainder of the season.

JC: It doesnt matter. The Indians closer Bob Wickman who has been mistaken for a Santa Claus body double, will blow saves regardless of the opponent.

ES: You know you love his waddle to the mound

JC: evil laugh

ES: O.K. One more question. NFL Sunday! What surprised you the most this weekend?

JC: My biggest surprise was the reemergence of Drew Bledsoe and the dynamic Cowboys offense. Bledsoe, bludgeoned into obscurity by the astronomical number of sacks he took in Buffalo, seamlessly turned back the clock to his hey-day as a Patriot. Not only did he throw two touchdown passes to Keyshawn Johnson, who had forgotten what the end zone looked like, Bledsoe and Parcells inventive offense found their deep threat in speedy, Patrick Crayton, who also went for a touchdown. I didnt even mention the emerging Julius Jones and Pro Bowl TE Jeremy Witten. Watch out Ezra, the Boys are back in town!! Thats right, they will win the NFC east this season.

E.S. Im always a big fan of the Big Tuna. I hope youre right. Well I clearly was not surprised about my Brownies getting their butts kicked, but I was disappointed with the way the Broncos and Cardinals played. I had predicted monster years for both Kurt Warner and Jake Plummer (at least my fantasy draft reflected that prediction). The Broncos game plan against the Dolphins was sloppy, and they really struggled to move the ball. It seems like Plummer will remain a mistake prone QB with moments of brilliance and Warner will not receive enough protection from his offensive line.

JC: Youre just bitter because youre fantasy football teams are terrible.

ES: Stuff it.

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