April Fool: Housing selection corruption leads to second selection in May

April 1, 2007

This months Housing Lottery selection, which hit an unprecedented 1787, was allegedly corrupted by student hackers, say sources within the Department of Residence Life. Because of the damage done to the lottery process, Residence Life added in a shocking announcement, students will be receiving via e-mail this week a second set of fool-proofed numbers to be used in a new round of housing selection in May.Unfortunately, in the interest of fairness, starting over from scratch is the only thing we can do, said Department of Residence Life Director Richard DeCapua. We have to just get this over with, as fast as we can, and with as little hassle as possible.

According to DeCapua, several students had apparently hacked into the Residence Life mainframe during the December break and altered their housing lottery numbers. However, the alterations led to the changing of the rest of numbers of the student body. This corruption led to some students receiving numbers without applying, not receiving numbers when they did apply, and giving other students higher or lower numbers than they would originally have had.

Weve found out which students were responsible for the hacking, DeCapua continued, and we have subsequently barred them from the housing lottery. While refusing to go into any further detail, DeCapua said, We want students to know that those responsible for this have been dealt with.

You have got to be kidding, said Zachary Pilkman 08, who pulled in several of his friends into the Foster Mods using his lottery number, 1038. So basically, because ResLife messed up, weve got to go through all this craziness again?Several other students agreed with Pilkman. This is completely ridiculous, said Shana Silverman 09, who had originally earned a suite with her friends in Ziv Quad with her number, 1010. I thought we were in the clear, but then I got a phone call from ResLife saying sorry, but your number is corrupted? What does that even mean?

Michael Welner 08, however, said he found hope in the selections reversal. I got stuck with number 2092, Werner said. You better believe I am stoked about this it cant get much worse than what ResLife gave me in the first place. So maybe a Mod is in my future after all. When asked about when students would find out more about the second housing selections in May, DeCapua told the Hoot that many students had not yet been informed. We are trying to get this out by telephone as opposed to e-mail, just so students can get their frustrations out to a person, rather than through cyberspace, he said.

Still, weve got a lot of CAs who are taking a lot of heat.

I dont get it, said Ridgewood Community Advisor Sean Pierce-Jacobs 08. Its not like Brandeis students are guaranteed housinglook at the school web site and see for yourself. Why are they getting all in a huff about this? Its not like people are going to be evicted from campus or anything.

Community Advisor Will Levine 07 said that students need to understand that no matter how irritating this might be, doing the housing selection all over again, we at Brandeis are committed to an honest, egalitarian society where were committed to doing everything on an equal footing. Sometimes, the rain falls on the good as well as the bad.

*Note: This article was written to fool you, in celebration of this year's April Fool's.

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