Home » ByRafi Farber

Nuclear potatoes are the only answer

Are you afraid of the real world? I mean the world outside of the sheltered college environment? Are you even sure it exists in the first place? If you arent, then youre probably a very heavy drinker. This is a … Read More...

Memory Lane

Depending on how many foreign substances you ingested during your freshman year, such as food, water, your roommates food, your roommates water, your roommate, or several of the books assigned for some humanities course that you figured you could just … Read More...

Storks and slime molds and bird fluoh my!

This past March 15th, 2006 (as opposed to the upcoming one), I became a third-degree uncle. Being a third-degree uncle is a lot like suffering a third-degree burn except it doesnt really involve fire or burning or having to get … Read More...

This is NOT a humor column

This weeks topic concerns a letter to the editor sent in to The Hoot by an alert reader, who shall remain nameless, concerning a column I wrote two weeks ago about the serious, non-humor related topic of dental hygiene for … Read More...

How many lives before game over?

How many near-death experiences can a man have in a lifetime? If youre a non-fictional person like you, then perhaps maybe 12.7 give or take 13. Though if youre like me, you can rack up something on the order of … Read More...

Apathetic senior taking pre-med courses for no reason

Second semester seniors on reduced tuition and on the verge of graduating that take general chemistry and physics with labs for absolutely no reason whatsoever are part of a very inimitable club that should probably require a retinal scan and … Read More...

Super Bowl previews in desperate need of a sane change

As I sat down to watch Super Bowl XL, beer in hand, I, like most other Americans, couldnt help but wonder why ABC chose to name the most popular television event in history after a T-shirt size. And, like most … Read More...

Physics Apnea: Why Im so proud to be a college student

Are you proud to be a college student? What I mean is, do you wake up in the middle of the night with a cold sweat, scratching yourself in various unsanitary places, wondering where you are and smelling like a … Read More...

Contact your local poison control center immediately

As Brandeis Universitys go-to-guy for questions concerning serious life-altering issues, such as, Why does the university insist on stocking the bathrooms with toilet paper so thin that it disintegrates at the flatulence of a bacterium and you have to fold … Read More...

Humanites v sciences with a whipped topping of perversion

The average student at a liberal arts school such as ours generally has two choices regarding which path to take through four years of quality education offered by top-notch staff and state-of-the-art duck and squirrel population all for the measly … Read More...

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