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April fools: Brandeis joins the Ivy League*

After a series of intense meetings, Brandeis University has finally decided to accept an invitation to join the Ivy League. This decision was made early Wednesday afternoon and has not yet been officially announced to the public. Its about time that weve accepted the invitation, said the Director of Athletics and Physical Education, Sheryl Sousa. The athletic department is ready to face the Ivy League schools, as are the athletes. Its also convenient considering that we are close to Brown, Harvard, Dartmouth, and Yale.

The Ivy League was originally founded as a group of schools that compete against one another, mainly in football. However, Brandeis does not have a football team. Because of this decision, the university is contemplating the re-instatement of the football program and even distributing scholarship money to players. Although some question the purpose of having a football team, others believe that it will provide Brandeis with school spirit. A key point of contention is the future location of a football field. Well, we were thinking of tearing down East, Brandeis president Jehuda Reinharz explains, I mean, do students really need housing? Besides, how big is a football field anyway?

There were many arguments over whether or not Brandeis should be labeled as an Ivy League school, said Sousa. We know that Brandeis has amazing facilities, but we are not quite sure that our Division III school can compete with the Ivy League. Brandeis is now the only university to receive an invitation by the Ivy League. The presidents of Stanford University and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology were shocked to hear the news.

Brandeis was previously invited in but reluctantly turned it down, fearing animosity from the rest of its competitors. The schools in Division III include Brandeis University, Carnegie Mellon, Case Western Reserve University, Emory University, New York University, University of Chicago, University of Rochester, and Washington University at St. Louis. However, Brandeis will no longer be competing with the rest of the Nerdy Nine. Were moving on up to the East Side (although Columbias athletic facilities are technically on the Upper West Side).

Some students were very disappointed to hear this news. Sharon Goldman 05 said, I think this is ridiculous. Brandeis will never be able to compete with the Ivy League. Have you heard of their team names? Big Red, Crimson, Lions? And were the Judges. What are we going to do? Slam a gavel over your head to win? Get real.

Other students however, were more enthusiastic. Instead of being Ivy League rejects, were finally part of the Ivy League! said Eric Weinberg 08. Admissions statistics indicate that many Brandeis students applied to these institutions but were denied admission. Now, these students attend an Ivy League university that accepts them for who they are.

Now that Brandeis is an Ivy League school, students can walk proudly around Harvard Square showing their sweatshirts because we are finally a part of that special group. So I was walking around Harvard Square wearing my Brandeis sweatshirt, and this Harvard kid is like ha, I go to Harvard and Im better than you and I was like, not fooled any more. Im part of the Ivy League says Aaron Marks 06. Also, Boston colleges and universities will provide shuttles to Waltham in order for other students to see this prestigious Ivy League university. I cant wait to go to Brandeis, says Northeastern student Josh Terry 05, There are so many historical landmarks there, now that its an Ivy League institution. I heard Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake once ate at Lizzys!

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