Dear Alma Mater, we shall eer be true to you
And well uphold the honor of the white and blue!
And after evry time a victry we have won
Well know our Brandeis pride is what has spurred us on!
So hear our rallying cry as we declare as one:
Our dear old Brandeis, on to greater heights! Fight on!

We just dont know how to have fun, some folks may think
Weve better things to do on weekends than to drink
And that is why our campus plice come round at one
And shut our parties down, lest we have too much fun
The underage who drink should best be on the run
Just drive em underground;

the problems solved! Fight on!

Official parties will be safer, it is hoped,
And then well never need fear being pinched or groped;

No student ever did endure a harsher plight!
Tis better far to have a safe, teetotal night
Lawsuits are not a match officials long to fight;

Whom are they really seeking to protect? thats right!

Accommodations are a scarcity, its true
So when youre locked out, you should take the longer view:
Be glad youre stuck out in your boxers in the hall
Unlike the other guy whos got no room next Fall
For we all know the schools endowments very small
Enough new rooms must wait (if they get built at all).

And as for parking, lest you be inclined to balk
Believe them when they say its healthier to walk!
Theyre working on the problem, and we know theyll lick it
Theres just no reason for us to protest or picket
The other day, why, even my car got a ticket!
What do you say, my friends? They know where they can stick it.

While educations rising cost leaves us need
(Even the cost of livings rise will it exceed)
Departments budgets face an ever-shrinking purse
So we can local merchants WhoCash reimburse
And you can rail, you can complain, and you can curse;

Stand by if you dont think it could get any worse.

They sing the praises of inclusiveness, no end
When youre an entering first-year, Gil is your best friend
But grads are given the cold shoulder, have you guessed
Ordered to leave the party, threatened with arrest
At Deis, diversitys hypocrisy at best
(Just ask Walaa;

I wonder if he would attest.)

If youre impaired in learning, do not be afraid
Accommodations, as the law requires, are made
Why, at a school committed to equality,
Have I now lost three friends to disability?
All were thrown out the back-door, quick as one, two, three
And all were men;

I say, thats quite an irony.

But never be convinced the struggles done, my friends
The good fight must be fought;

in fact, it never ends
So unprogressive is our schools regime, alas
But, as my grandmother once said, this too shall pass
Til then, lets sing this fight-song loudly and en masse.
I say to this administration: Kiss my feet!

—–

Careful with the Horseradish;

its hot.