Brandeis sketch comedy troupe Boris’ Kitchen performed to a full house at its annual Old Shit Show, on Friday night, Oct. 13 in the Shapiro Campus Center Multipurpose Room. Boris’ Kitchen performed sketches from the past 30 years of the group’s existence and welcomed three new members, Dane Leoniak ’20, Anderson Stinson III ’21 and Jessica Cocomazzi ’21 into its family. Sarah Sharpe ’20, the show’s assistant director, told The Brandeis Hoot that the Old Shit Show is usually meant to showcase the new members’ skills and give them the spotlight. This time around, the annual event was called “The Old Shit Show: Slightly Spookier” with Halloween decorations, costumes and mentions of death galore. Perry Letourneau ’20 directed the show and Claudia Davis ’19 produced it.
A golden life-sized furry dog statue wearing a black mask, golden chain and top hat welcomed event goers into the multipurpose room, giving guests a taste of what humor was to come. A jar with a floating brain as well as a tombstone lined one of the walls of the room. Glowing orange lights dangled above the props table behind the set and a makeshift coffin rested at the center of the set. The black rectangular coffin had the “Boris’ Kitchen” logo painted in white on the front. Boris’ Kitchen came to impress with its thoughtful and slightly spooky set details and props.
Though decorations would suggest a frightening night lay ahead for audience members, the skits were anything but scary—they were hilarious. What did align with the Friday the Thirteenth, Halloween and the spook fest theme were the costumes and frequent fake deaths across all of the sketches.
Boris’ Kitchen opened the show with a skit about the power of pizza bagels. Two young boys, eating lunchables, discuss the question of times when you can’t eat pizza bagels. This emerges into a longer set of skits with various scenarios playing out this question. For example, during a surgery procedure a doctor (Sharpe) is giving directions to her nurse (Yael Matlow ’18), saying “Scalpel, syringe, pizza bagel!” When the nurse is confused by this, the doctor says very seriously that this is a matter of life or death, and unfortunately during this time the patient (Leoniak) on the operating table passes away. When this occurs, the next skit involves none other than pizza bagels resurrecting him.
The most relatable sketch spotlighted Brandeis’ own organic chemistry department. A professor (Mira Garin ’19) tells a student (Stinson III) he’s failing her course and there is no withdrawing from the class. The professor scolds her student for failing to notice the disclaimer on Sage. “Nobody reads that,” the student replies. The professor says organic chemistry is only offered “life, death,” a riff on the traditional “pass, fail” nature of some classes at Brandeis. A skeleton ghoul (Letourneau) donning a black robe with a scythe in hand enters the room, announcing himself as the campus executioner, to dispose of the failing student. Funnily enough, a few seconds later, the teaching assistant (Rodrigo Alfaro Garcia Granados ’18) notifies the organic chemistry professor that he made a mistake in grading the now dead student’s test. “Oh well, too late now,” the professor replies with no change in emotions.
Another sketch featured a trial between defendant Steven Spielberg (Alan Omori ’20) and plaintiff Mr. Rexman (Leoniak), who is a dinosaur from Spielberg’s Jurassic Park movie series. Dressed in a smart tie, Mr. Rexman advocated for the Dinosaur Rights Movement and accused Spielberg of defamation of character. The dinosaur explained that he used to be a kindergarten teacher, but now parents don’t trust him with their children. Spielberg, who did not even realize dinosaurs are still alive, was clearly not having it. The judge (Sharpe) ruled that dinosaurs can speak, that we should all love and support each other and that Spielberg owes Mr. Rexman $10 million along with an official apology. After everyone except for Spielberg and Mr. Rexman exit the courtroom, Spielberg approaches Mr. Rexman offering him a role in a Jurassic sequel. “Have your people call my people,” Mr. Rexman responded.
In another skit, Satan (Stinson III) complains about a problematic colleague to his wife, Wanda (Cocomazzi), after a long day at work, saying, “It’s not easy to be the embodiment of all evil!” The couple’s daughter, Jenny, enters the room, welcoming her father back home, making noise and, well, being a kid. Satan abruptly uses his supernatural powers to silence her, along with the Amazon delivery guy who comes to deliver a J. Crew fleece pullover (Jason Kwan ’20.) The characters fall to the ground, motionless, which puts Satan at ease. Wanda offers him a frappucino and suggests a vacation to de-stress, but Satan says he can’t go on a trip because he is expected to speak at the Republican National Convention. This remark elicited a lot of laughter from the audience. Ultimately, Satan heads to Chick-fil-A, leaving his paralyzed, breathless daughter and delivery man on the floor, promising Wanda that he will resurrect Jenny after their date.
Another notable sketch consisted of a doctor named Dr. Carol Flanders (Sharpe) who was leading a group therapy session with Bruce (Stinson III), Paul (Davis), Fred (Omori) and Jeffrey (Leoniak). Bruce gets unreasonably emotional over the closing theme song of “The Incredible Hulk.” Paul is physically unable to use urinals. Fred theorizes about world conquest, what he calls “The Plot,” specifically how the green M&M is evil and conspiring against the other M&Ms and the rest of the world, says the guy with the pointy hat made of aluminum. Then there’s Jeffrey. “I like to eat and kill people,” he easily divulges to his therapy group. Dr. Flanders gets flustered by all of her nagging and irrational patients, but gets frantic after Jeffrey reveals his murderous and cannibalistic habits. Suddenly, Bruce gets up in anger and shoots everyone except for Jeffrey. They settle with leaving and grabbing food together.
In another sketch, The Cat in the Hat (Kwan) appears on stage hosting a talk show called “Sexually Speaking” where callers can call in with their sex problems. Everyone talks in rhyme, making it all the more humorous and appropriate for a Dr. Seuss character. The Cat tells one caller (Stinson III) that he and his partner can have sex in a car, a bar, a chair, the air, here, there, everywhere. Another caller (Omori) claims his genitals are blue and spotted. The caller is still in a drunken haze and is confident that he slept with a woman, but can’t remember who or if there were others. The Cat diagnoses the caller with genital warts and advertises his solution called “Compound W.” The last caller (Leoniak) is off, to say the least. He tells of how he lives on a farm and one day had these extreme sexual desires and urges while surrounded by nothing but his farm animals. It’s pretty clear what the caller is going to say next, so The Cat hurriedly exclaims that time is up and bids his audience farewell, taking a swig of alcohol from a huge bottle.
Sharpe assistant directed the show with the director Perry Letourneau, and explained that their dynamics as a team helped the show to be successful because they “were on the same page” and were able to understand each other’s perspectives, “we fed off each other’s energy.” Sharpe’s favorite skit of the night was “Group Therapy,” because she explained that the quick back and forth lines were difficult at first to act out correctly and in time with everyone in the scene so she was most nervous to perform it, but says that, “It turned out amazing and I feel really proud of that.”
In the end, there wasn’t a single skit that failed to entertain and elicit laughter from audience members. The members of Boris’ Kitchen look forward to their next show, which will take place in December.
