Water is a contentious topic to talk about here on campus. I decided to go out and ask some (very real) students about their thoughts on water drinking.
My first interview was with Tommy, a senior here who is just not that into water. He is an athlete for the water polo team, and despite that, water has never really been his thing. He is double majoring in philosophy and studio art, with a minor in Latin.
Jamie: It is currently 12:33 p.m. I am here with a non-water drinker. Now, I just have a few questions for you. How did you know that you didn’t like water?
Tommy: Well, one day, I was really thirsty. Um, and I walked down to my fridge, I didn’t see any alcohol, so I decided I’d go for some water instead. I never tried water, I’d heard a lot of good things about it. I grabbed a cup, I filled it with some water and it was really underwhelming.
Jamie: Wow.
Tommy: Yeah, I didn’t really feel a connection. I was displeased. I haven’t had a sip of water since then.
Jamie: Now, your friends. Are they water drinkers?
Tommy: It’s actually interesting because I’m friends with mostly water drinkers. Sometimes the topic comes up, there are disagreements, but that’s what friendship is. Everybody won’t have the same opinion as you.
Jamie: And they’re understanding that you don’t drink water?
Tommy: It’s a little bit of a shock. I do feel a little bit of judgement, but I kinda have to get used to the fact. It’s not very common to not drink water.
Jamie: Did your parents know that you don’t drink water?
Tommy: My mom knows. I haven’t told my dad yet. It was a little hard at first to tell her, but she’s come around. She didn’t really understand at first, and she’s seeing someone about it actually–a water expert. So she can see this from a non-biased perspective. She’s a big water drinker. Now we can talk about it without any discourse.
Jamie: Has your perspective on water drinking changed since coming to college?
Tommy: What I’ve found is that there are a lot more non-water drinkers than back in my hometown in Texas. It’s really cool to be around like-minded and relatable people now.
Jamie: Is there anything you want to say to the non-water drinkers out there?
Tommy: You’re not alone, and I hear you, I understand you, and if you ever want to talk about it, I’m here for you. There are other drinks out there.
My next interview was with Francis, a sophomore majoring in chemistry and neuroscience, and double minoring in journalism and psychology.
Jamie: It is currently 12:39 p.m. I am here with a self-proclaimed water enthusiast, and I have a few questions for you. I see you have some water with you today. Could you tell me about it?
Francis: This is liquid water. H (long pause) two (long pause) oh (long pause). Dihydrogen monoxide. (Pauses to take a sip).
Jamie: I see that you have a collection of numerous water bottles in your backpack. Does being a water enthusiast impact your day-to-day life?
Francis: I have water whenever I need it. (Francis proceeds to rustle through his backpack, pulling out a small vial of water). This looks like a hand sanitizer bottle, but it’s actually water in a bite sized pouch.
Jamie: What would you say to people who drink any water they find and would drink out of the tap?
Francis: I don’t quite understand the lifestyle, but I will tolerate them.
Jamie: Was there any moment in your childhood when you knew you were a water enthusiast?
Francis: It all started when I was born. My parents put me in swimming lessons, and I got a nice gulp of the pool. And ever since then, water and I have been tight.
My third interview was with Sam, a junior who agreed to be interviewed right at the end of the lunchtime rush hour. Sam is an avid bird watcher and likes watching nature documentaries. Sam is majoring in business and economics.
Jamie: It is 12:41 p.m. I am here interviewing people about their opinions on water. What’s your take on it?
Sam: I don’t know man. I’ll drink it, not drink it, whatever. If someone’s serving water, I’ll take a gulp. But I’m not up all night thinking about water like some of the other people here.
Jamie: So you’re saying water doesn’t impact you at all?
Sam: Not at all. I get most of my water from watermelon, quite frankly. I’m not looking for an experience from water, I’m just looking to stay alive.
Jamie: That’s deep man.
Sam: Yeah, I like to think so.
Jamie: Was there a moment from your childhood that made you realize you didn’t care about water?
Sam: The moment I knew that I didn’t care was when I found out that sometimes they put salt in water. Like Dasani water.
Jamie: Do your friends know you don’t care at all?
Sam: I prefer not to talk about it. I’m usually looking to change the subject–it’s just so boring. I don’t want to talk about what kind of water people want to drink. I’m not interested in that.
Jamie: Thank you so much for speaking with me.
Sam: It’s nice to be open about it. A lot of people think that you have to like or not like water, and I just want to destigmatize not caring at all. You can just not care about it.
My fourth interview was with Lilah, a fanfiction writer who is majoring in creative writing and psychology. Lilah is a junior with an enthusiasm for learning something new.
Jamie: It is 12:47 p.m. I am here with a major water fan.
Lilah: Wow, I’m already getting emotional about this subject–I just love water.
Jamie: So, what got you into water?
Lilah: I joined the water Discord. I had it recommended to me by a friend who said “hey, you already write water fanfiction, why don’t you join this group?” I make water fan art now because of it.
Jamie: Now, I’m intrigued. What kind of water fanfiction do you write?
Lilah: Oh, the usual. Tap water x water bottle. Dasani x Poland Spring.
Jamie: Do you have any literature about water you would recommend to the readers out there?
Lilah: There’s this great book called “Water for Dummies,” that teaches you all about how to go to your first water convention and cosplay as your favorite water character. For my last Water Con, I dressed up as Dasani, but I got booed at.
Jamie: I’m sorry to hear that.
Lilah: I’m doing better now. Apparently, no one likes Dasani. Dasani is my bias.
Jamie: Do your friends know about this water fanfiction writing hobby you have?
Lilah: Oh, no. It’s all private. There’s such a stigma about the water fandom.
My fifth and final interview took a turn that I was not expecting. I interviewed Noah, a sophomore who is a double major in applied math and film studies.
Jamie: It is 12:49 p.m. I just have some questions for you about water.
Noah: Wait, wait, wait. I’m sorry. Water?
Jamie: Yes, water. What are your thoughts on it?
Noah: Water, like the clear liquid?
Jamie: Yes.
Noah: I don’t think I’ve ever had water in my life, actually. I’m more of a milk drinker myself.
Jamie: A milk drinker?
Noah: Yeah, like right from the udder. You know, they have these programs where you can go to a farm and pick a cow. I usually go every week sometime after class. And then you can take some with you back home. My fridge is just stocked.
Jamie: You’re a real milk drinker? I don’t think I’ve ever met one.
Noah: Sometimes it’s hard to talk about. I’ve actually brought a few friends over who weren’t really into milk and going to the farm really turned their lives around. Just because you don’t drink milk doesn’t mean you can’t drink milk, you know?
Jamie: Would you say that people can drink milk and water? Do they have to choose?
Noah: No, no. You can’t drink both. It’s either one or the other. If I had to drink water, I don’t think I could ever drink milk again.
Jamie: And is there any support for the milk drinkers on your college campus?
Noah: I’ve never met another milk drinker. I’ve met people who are doing it for satire, for fun. I really don’t respect that. I don’t drink water, and I don’t go around making fun of the people who do. Just let people drink what they want to drink. I love milk. Please get me some milk, the C-Store just ran out of it.
Special thanks to Ethan Kerstine, Tanner Eustace, David Shapiro and Lauren Podhorzer for their contributions to the fictional interviews.
