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To acquire wisdom, one must observe

Brandeis Quests

As you continue your journey at Brandeis University, there is so much more to be explored than your lecture halls, than your dorm room, than the exact route you use to get between buildings and never deviate from. Below, you will find (unofficial) Brandeis Quests. They have been chosen for their difficulty, complexity and sometimes, for their silliness. 

Quest for the lunch rush crush (difficulty: hard)

Get a seat, any seat, during the lunch rush at Lower Usdan dining hall. The lunch rush has been plaguing the dining hall since early this semester. At exactly 12:10 p.m., Monday through Thursday, every single Brandeis student (would not dare to exaggerate) tries to get food at Lower Usdan. Your quest is to maneuver around hungry Brandeis students and find yourself a seat. For added difficulty, complete this quest with a companion—good luck finding a chair across from yours.

Quest for liminality (difficulty: easy)

Brandeis infrastructure is … peculiar. Hallways are narrow, staircases are confusing, and you must navigate all of them. It is in your best interest to learn as much as possible about your campus to better prepare yourself. (You never know what may lurk around the corner, out of your sight.) You are invited to explore every building at Brandeis to investigate the strange sights, sounds, and (unfortunately in some instances) smells. 

Quest for animal friends (difficulty: medium)

Non-human animals live on our campus too. Though we may not coexist peacefully (looking at you, East Quad dumpster rats), it is still important to recognize the other residents of our campus. In any order, you should find on campus a chipmunk, squirrel, red-tailed hawk, rabbit, rat, deer, raccoon and turkey. Note: quest may be a multi-season event. Prepare in advance to stakeout certain spots to catch a glimpse of any of the animals. 

Quest for Sherman sushi (difficulty: hard)

Your quest is simple. Befriend the person who gives out sushi in three-piece portions in the kosher section of Sherman. Get, on one plate, more than three pieces of sushi. This may be a multi-day or even multi-month-long quest. Prepare to learn the intricacies of the sushi process at Sherman (hint: Mondays, Wednesdays, lunch on Fridays) and perhaps make some friends along the way. 

 Quest for the playbill collector (difficulty: medium)

As a semester draws to a close, the curtains of Brandeis theater shows begin to open. Go to every Brandeis performance with a playbill distributed. You will not regret participating in the quest. And you will have some serious bragging rights at the end of the year. Note: quest is ranked as a difficulty of hard if you are also participating in a Brandeis theater production during the semester. 

 Quest for the library dungeon (difficulty: easy)

Study at every level of the library. Beware the final level—the dungeon. Even the slightest misstep will reveal a mass swivel of student heads turning and facing you, unwavering in their eye contact. Prepare cautiously, wear only your most silent footwear. Oil the zipper on your backpack for minimized zippering noise. Do not dare to sneeze. (Unfortunately, your own precautions will not stop the student next to you from taking a loud phone call the moment you sit down.)

Quest for a main character soundtrack (difficulty: medium) 

Yes, you. You are the main character. And as a main character, you need a soundtrack to walk across campus to. Ask each of your friends to contribute 1-2 songs that remind them of you. Compile them. Voila! Soundtrack.

Quest for the library study room (difficulty: impossible)

There have been reports of students camping out in the library study rooms. This simply cannot go on. Those rooms are immensely valuable, with both rare whiteboard space and even rarer, silence. Score an empty library study room to use.  

Quest for the c-store (difficulty: easy)

In the corner of the c-store, a machine churns—around and around and around. The machine beckons. Acquire a Frazil slushie beverage. Side effect: tongue will temporarily turn blue or red from the Frazil potion. 

Quest for office hours (difficulty: medium)

You know your professors’ names! Do they know yours? Go to office hours for all of your professors in a given semester until they know your name.

Quest for play (difficulty: easy)

It is simply absurd that we, as college students, no longer have recess. We should rectify this obvious mistake immediately. Visit the three playgrounds nearest to Brandeis campus. Going down all three slides will reward bonus points for your endeavors. A good quest to attempt with a few friends. 

Quest for mycelium (difficulty: easy, seasonal quest)

Brandeis has many mushrooms to offer on its campus, and they love to hide away. Find them. They will pop up where you least expect, and often, in times when you need them most. Each of them has such brilliant coloration. 

The Questification of Brandeis activities is incredibly important. Romanticize your daily routine. Make your trip to Lower Usdan dining hall more exciting. I promise, you will not regret it. It can only make your time spent on campus more enjoyable. You didn’t find a table? Quest failed. But this can only mean that now you have another opportunity to reattempt the quest and succeed. And if you can score a blue booth table? It makes the victory all the sweeter. 

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