If you need me, I’m going to be sobbing for the next three to five business days. If you’ve read my other recaps, you can probably guess who went home this week. Still, I will soldier on and do my best to bring you the highlights from an episode I will likely never want to watch again. It’s a shame, because the challenges were actually solid.

The bakers march into the tent for autumn week. Some have dressed on theme, including Georgie, who’s wearing bright orange, and Nelly, who has the cutest autumn themed headband. Meanwhile, Noel is wearing a ghost sweater and talks at length about his love of Halloween.

Not all the bakers are big autumn fans, however. Dylan, the resident Eeyore of the tent, says “everyone is looking forward to this week, and I’m not,” in the glummest of tones. Later, he explains “I really don’t like autumn. It’s really just a boring season, isn’t it?” Look, Dylan, your attitude never endeared you to me. But hating autumn? Jail. Immediately.

The signature challenge is an autumnal pie. It’s a good autumn-themed variation on the fruit pie signature that gets dragged out every few years. Nelly is making an apple pie with a poppyseed filling. Prue thinks this is very original until Nelly reveals that it’s a traditional Slovakian recipe. Gill is using her mom’s pastry recipe (full of margarine and lard) for a traditional blackberry and apple pie. Illiyin is doing poached pear and ginger, with a healthy dose of blueberries. We’ve got a trio of pumpkin (ish) pies from Christiaan (who’s adding almond and quince), Georgie (who’s adding what appears to be the entire spice cupboard) and Sumayah (who’s subbing butternut squash for pumpkin). Finally, Dylan is making his life harder by using rough puff pastry instead of short crust for his obscenely complicated apple pie.

Then, we see everyone blind baking properly! Hooray! After last week I was worried, but it appears that these bakers do, in fact, know basic pie making techniques. Clearly, the brief for the challenge included elaborate pastry decorations, because we then watch the bakers make a whole host of them for their pies. Illiyin tries to use a mold to make lattice and it gets badly stuck, but everyone else is fine.

During judging, the judges are big fans of Christiaan’s flavors and pastry. Gill’s pie is deemed “almost unimproveable,” by Prue—high praise indeed. Nelly’s is a little underbaked and Illiyin’s decoration is raw. Dylan has burnt his pie and he’s still anti-autumn. “You’re the autumn Grinch,” Noel says. So true, Noel. So true.

Georgie has also burnt her pie, and she’s put way too much spice in it. So much that Paul’s tongue appears to be burning. She reveals she’d actually put more spice in at home. Can someone check on Georgie’s taste buds please? Sumayah has also overspiced her pastry. A good but not great signature overall.

The technical challenge is a vegan take on parkin. What is parkin? It’s a traditional sticky ginger cake from Northern England, often eaten at Bonfire Night (the one where the English burn Guy Fawkes in effigy). Gill, being northern, is very excited. Most of the other bakers don’t know what a parkin is. 

After some confusion and an excellent “parallel parkin” pun from Allison, the challenge gets going. The bakers have not been provided with measurements for any of the spices, meaning spice level will once again be the major question of the challenge. Hopefully, Georgie has learned how to hold back.

Then, disaster! Gill completely forgets to add baking powder, and her parkin is flat. I can totally relate to completely losing track of whether you’ve added an ingredient, but it’s not something you want to do in the Bake Off tent, especially for a challenge that you should dominate. Due to this error, Gill is in last place. Christiaan is in sixth due to poor flavors. At the top is Georgie in second, and Illiyin—who confessed to always avoiding parkin—is in first. She very nearly cries, and her reaction to winning the technical for the first time is adorable.

In the judge’s pavilion, Allison weirdly says it’s the first time she’s ever seen placements flip like they have this week, despite the fact that placements flipped like this literally last week. People who did well in the signature did poorly in the technical, and it’s all down to the showstopper. Again.

The showstopper challenge is an imaginative cake based on an autumn festival, using vegetable cake. As in carrot cake if you want to be normal about it, or beet/parsnip/celeriac cake if you want to be adventurous. On a side note, I think a Sukkot-themed cake would absolutely slay in a challenge like this.

Christiaan is making a Halloween cake, as it’s one of his favorite holidays. He’s using stained-glass style decoration for a parsnip, apple and celeriac cake. I loathe celeriac, so it wouldn’t be for me. Luckily, it’s Prue judging, not me, and she loves celeriac. Illiyin’s cake is based on Day of the Dead; she shows off her excellent Spanish pronunciation. Gill is making parkin again (and remembers the baking powder this time), combining it with the flavors of carrot cake for a Bonfire Night cake. Dylan is inspired by Diwali, with a beet sponge and cardamom and orange buttercream. The flavors don’t sound too bad. Sumayah’s flavors, meanwhile, sound like my nightmare—one tier of her harvest festival cake is parsnip, cumin and fennel, and the other tier is beet, ginger and walnut. They sound like those vile health drinks that fitness influencers sell. 

Meanwhile, Georgie and Nelly are stretching the “autumn festival” brief to breaking point. Georgie’s cake is shaped like a tree stump. What’s the festival? No idea. Her flavors are spiced carrot and pumpkin, and she promises to dial back the spice levels this time. Nelly, meanwhile, is going philosophical, making a cake tribute to women who, like her, are in the “autumn” of life. Paul says that she’s at the beginning of summer at most. Is Paul … flirting with Nelly? So weird. Now, Nelly’s theme is very sweet and sentimental, but a festival it is not. Her flavors (spinach cake) also do not fill me with confidence.

Then, it is time for the obligatory dropped cake of the series. It is poor Dylan who falls victim, as he drops his cake on the way to the freezer. This does not help with his attitude problems, and he’s deeply grumpy for the rest of the challenge. Everyone else has a much smoother time with their baking and decorating. Christiaan’s stained glass looks great, Sumayah successfully executes a chocolate collar and Georgie’s tree stump is surprisingly realistic. Dylan, meanwhile, can only say “ugh, I think it all looks awful” of his cake. What will it take for Dylan to be happy? I truly have no idea.

Showstopper judging starts off with a bang: Sumayah gets a handshake! I am opposed to showstopper handshakes on principle, and I don’t think I would love her flavors, but I can’t deny that her cake looks fantastic. Christiaan, Illiyin and Gill have also delivered stunning showstoppers, and with the “all down to the showstopper” set up, they are clearly safe from elimination.

Georgie is the first baker to receive any real criticism for her bake—while it looks great, her carrot cake is a bit dense and damp inside, although the flavor is good. Nelly’s showstopper also looks good, but her cake is dense and the flavors don’t work. The judges don’t mention the lack of a festival theme in either of the showstoppers, which to me is a little odd. Dylan’s cake is criticized for being messy and not appropriately celebratory, but his flavors are very good.

Due to showstoppers that didn’t quite hit the heights of the others, Nelly and Dylan are the two bakers in trouble. Unsurprisingly, Sumayah takes Star Baker on the back of her showstopper handshake. And going home is … Nelly.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Ahem. 

Sorry.

Let me compose myself.

*sniffle*

*screams at the wall*

Okay I’m back.

Nelly was my favorite baker of the season, and I’m heartbroken that she’s leaving. She was a phenomenal character, and her goodbye confessional is just perfect for her: “In each of your hearts is a little piece of Nelly, and you will never forget me.”

Yes, Nelly, you are amazing. Channel 4, please give this woman her own show.

Next time: Dessert Week! I’m usually a big fan of dessert week, although this one seems to feature the dreaded steamed pudding. Can Dylan redeem himself and finally put his bad attitude behind him? Who’s bake will inevitably collapse? And who will just miss out on Quarterfinals? Join me next time to find out.