The academic year is ramping up again, with more tests, quizzes, papers and projects looming menacingly over the horizon. But never fear! There are literally endless opportunities for you to procrastinate, wasting precious time that you could have spent studying for that horrifying midterm. There are always going to be far more interesting–if less productive–ways to spend every minute of your day, and thanks to the World Wide Web, it’s never been easier. It’s safe to say that over the years, I’ve become a bit of an expert at this artform, if you will. So, if you ever feel tired of doing endless homework problems, here are a few very, very distracting websites that I would recommend.
Minecraft Classic:
Tired of all the nonsense that Mojang has added to Minecraft over the years? Then check out Minecraft Classic. Released to celebrate Minecraft’s 10th anniversary, this is a very early version of the game that runs entirely in your browser. Yep, that’s right! There’s no need to fork over $39.99 to purchase the actual game when you can just type classic.minecraft.net into your address bar, which will instantly load up a Minecraft world–admittedly, a really small Minecraft world, but nothing’s perfect. Then, in true Minecraft fashion, you can let your imagination run wild. You can bask in the nostalgia of the old block textures and music, build whatever you like (with the 9 block types available to you) or set the render distance to low and pretend some sort of terrifying entity is lurking in the fog. What’s more, you can invite 9 friends to join your world, simply by sharing the provided URL. Remember, procrastination loves company!
Openguessr:
GeoGuessr is a fun game that drops you to a random place on Google Streetview and challenges you to find your location based on what you see around you. Unfortunately, GeoGuessr is no longer free, and requires a paid subscription. That’s where https://openguessr.com/ comes in. With Openguessr, you can make wildly uninformed guesses about world climate and geography, all without having to pay a dime. And you’ll learn a lot, too– like who knew some parts of Australia look so similar to New England? Like Minecraft Classic, you can invite your friends to join your escapades, too, by hosting a multiplayer room. It’s the perfect opportunity to flex your knowledge and laugh at your friends, all while getting absolutely nothing useful done. But hey, it’s educational! Sort of?
247 Blackjack:
Who doesn’t love gambling??? And, more to the point, who wants to gamble without wasting all their money and going into crippling debt? If that’s the case, then there are a million websites you can find that will allow you to experience the fun of the casino without ever having to leave your room. My personal favorite would probably have to be 247blackjack.com, because it has a slick user interface and because I like to think I’m good at Blackjack. I’m not, though. But luckily you’re not betting real money on these websites. Another thing is that you only need two buttons to play Blackjack–stand and hit–and each round lasts only seconds, making it really easy to multitask while playing it. You can even whip it out in the lecture hall! As long as your professor allows students to be on their computers, anyway. Making questionable choices with your money has never been easier!
Jelle’s Marble Runs
As many of you may know, Youtube is one of the best time-wasters on the internet. There are dozens of channels that are seemingly optimized to suck you in. A few issues ago, I wrote about one such series, “Minecraft Parkour Civilization,” which combined Minecraft brainrot with shonen anime tropes to create a shockingly good viewing experience. These are just the tip of the iceberg, though. Perhaps the ultimate Youtube time waster is a little channel called “Jelle’s Marble Runs”. You may have heard of this from The Hoot’s prior coverage, but essentially, this is competitive marble racing. That’s right, competitive marble racing. Yes, you read that correctly. These are elaborately designed marble races that are all taken 100% seriously. Every marble is treated like an athlete, and every “team” of four identically colored marbles is treated like a real sports team. There’s even a guy providing sports commentary over every race! No joke, give it a try and once you start watching, you will actually start rooting for some of the teams. You’ll forget that this isn’t a real sport and before you know it, hours will have passed as you pour over the channel’s extensive backlog of past Marblelympics and Marblula One races. (Yes, that’s what they’re called. Isn’t this channel great?)
Google Maps/Google Earth
Oh my god. I would not be exaggerating at all when I say that Google Maps and/or Google Earth has eaten up more of my time than literally everything else on this list combined. Not even close. And why, you might ask? Because of the Globe View, which lets you zoom in and out and experience features in 3D. Let me explain why I am so obsessed with Globe View. Take the Brandeis campus, for example. It’s one thing to walk through campus every day and see all of the buildings from the ground. It’s another thing to look at the Brandeis campus map and see all of the buildings from above, in a static, unchanging 2D view. But to fly above the campus, to zoom in and out and see all of the terrain from above, to be able to get a 360-degree view of every single building on campus, is something else entirely. It is fascinating. Mesmerizing, even. It will open a new perspective for how you visualize Brandeis.
And, because this is Google Earth, you can get Globe View for literally anywhere in the world. You can visit cities such as New York, Hong Kong and a host of others, where forests of skyscrapers and landmarks such as the Eiffel Tower are rendered in excruciating detail. Or you can check out natural wonders, getting up close to the Grand Canyon or the Swiss Matterhorn, experiencing their enormous size in a way that online photos just can’t capture. And of course, you have literally infinite opportunities to explore, wherever you want. From Pyongyang, North Korea to random small towns in Montana, you, too, can travel to all sorts of places that you’d never be able to see in person. But don’t take my word for it. Visit maps.google.com, turn on Globe View in “Layers”, and pick a destination of your choice. And if you have even a marginal interest in the planet that we all share, you will lose hours of your time.
In conclusion, just like how Phineas and Ferb can always find something to do during summer break, so too can you always find something to waste your time on the internet. Whether you want to take your mind off of depressing current events, find something to do while the professor drones on and on, or want something to do instead of studying for that midterm that will make or break your entire academic career, these websites will have something for you.
