Before I get into this recap, I want to include a disclaimer. I watched this episode on Wednesday, Nov. 6, and I was having a lot of trouble focusing. It was hard to feel as invested in Bake Off as I normally do, and my mood was very low while watching the episode. I tried to watch Bake Off as a distraction and as a source of comfort, and while it didn’t work for me, I think there is still value in a heartwarming baking show in times like this. So I will still be recapping, but please be forgiving if the jokes aren’t there or if the details are fuzzy. 

With that out of the way, on with the recap. It’s Dessert Week! In British English, dessert traditionally means anything that is both sweet and outside of the “cakes, cookies, pies, pastries” categories. We’re talking meringue, jelly, mousse and all that jazz. I usually like Dessert Week as it’s a great opportunity for the bakers’ creativity to shine. However, Dessert Week is often prone to timing disasters, as most desserts need a lot of time to either bake or set.

The signature challenge is eight meringue nests. Essentially, dressed-down mini pavlovas. Meringue is a basic skill, and the optimal meringue for this challenge is the simplest of them all: French meringue. Just egg whites and sugar. Easy peasy.

Or is it? Because French meringue also requires a low and slow bake, with a gradual cooling process, to prevent cracks. Meringue can take up to an hour to bake and another hour to cool if you want to get it perfect. So how much time do the bakers get? Two hours and 15 minutes. Because the challenge setters hate them.

Along with the bake, a good meringue nest requires flavors that will balance the sickly sweetness of meringue. Illiyin has gone down the pina colada route, hoping the sharp pineapple and smooth coconut flavors will work for her. Dylan has gone full coconut, with coconut-shaped meringue nests with coconut-rum flavors.

Typing out coconut this many times is going to make me cry again. Moving swiftly along!

Christiaan, for reasons best known unto himself, is adding rosewater to his meringue. He’s also using walnut praline and chantilly cream. His meringue nests are on the verge of seeming horrifically sweet but he’s also adding cherries, which could help. Georgie has taken inspiration from a recipe of her aunt’s and is going for orange, amaretto, mascarpone and plum. I was totally behind all of this until the plum, which seems a bit random. But it’s a family recipe, so who am I to judge?

Gill is keeping it stubbornly simple with peach melba meringue nests. Meanwhile, Sumayah is on the other end of the complexity spectrum with a puffed rice and cardamom meringue filled with pomegranate, walnut praline and poached apricots with tarragon and cloves. The judges are intrigued but not convinced. 

Then we come to baking the meringues, and lo and behold! There are many cracks. Because the bakers didn’t have enough time to execute the meringue nests to the highest possible standard. Blah. Illiyin’s meringue nests crack particularly badly, and she’s criticized for their messy appearance, although the flavors are very good. Gill is dissatisfied with the appearance of her bakes as well, but the judges seem to like them. However, Paul takes offense to the artificial flavor of the tinned peaches. Gill thinks Paul needs to “remember where his roots are” but I am actually with Paul on this one (words I never thought I would write). Tinned peaches are disgusting.

Georgie also has messy meringue, but good flavors. Paul is back to his normal ridiculousness by saying he likes the flavor of the almond extract, despite his notorious dislike of any and all extracts. But consistency has never been Paul’s strength, and we move along to Christiaan’s signature. Shockingly, the flavors don’t work. The rose is overpowering and too sweet. Called it!

Sumayah’s meringue nests look absolutely gorgeous, but her flavors confuse Paul. Prue, however, is a fan. Dylan’s coconut meringue nests really do look like coconuts, and apparently they taste great as well, because he gets a handshake. Finally, after seven episodes, Dylan seems genuinely happy.

The bakers head into the technical with a word of advice from Prue: “don’t fall into the trap.” This cryptic advice soon becomes clear when the technical challenge is revealed to be a spotted dick.

Yes, it’s actually called that. Yes, it sounds like some type of STD. No, I don’t know why the British are like this. There is much hilarity in the tent, as Allison tells the bakers that they have “two hours 15 minutes to get your dick ready.” Noel feels the need to intervene with “come on now kids. It’s a family show.”

The innuendo almost distracted me from the fact that two hours and 15 minutes does not leave all that much room for error, since the dick (sorry) needs to steam for at least an hour and a half. This is the trap Prue was referring to, as stopping the steaming process too early will lead to a soggy, undercooked mess. Never forget last year, in which the bakers weren’t given nearly enough time for a steamed pudding technical and essentially served up orange and ginger flavored sludge.

All of the bakers seem to remember this unfortunate incident as well, as they are moving quickly to get their spotted dicks in the steamer as quickly as possible (gee that sounds wrong). Luckily, I’m not the only one saying weird things during this challenge. Allison jokes about Christiaan tying her up, an image I don’t need. Noel quips about a jelly mold being Paul’s bra, another image I don’t need. And then, while reflecting on the best technique for steaming, Christiaan says that too much water will “let moisture into your spotted dick, and it’ll be too wet,” and I take a long moment to contemplate why I even watch this show.

Luckily, five bakers have enough cooking time. Unfortunately, Sumayah has a bit of a nightmare. She forgets to add sugar to her mixture, and is really behind the others. As a result, she struggles to turn her spotted dick out of the mold, and it’s pretty much raw. Miraculously, everyone else seems to have produced something that is at least edible, although Gill and Illiyin’s bakes are both stodgy. Sumayah is in last place, with Illiyin in fifth. At the top is Georgie in second and Dylan in first. Dylan has absolutely dominated the first day of dessert week, and Georgie isn’t too far behind. Everyone else has a bit of ground to make up, with Sumayah probably the furthest behind due to her poor technical.

The showstopper challenge is a tiramisu. It’s shockingly reasonable for a showstopper. Like, early days of Bake Off levels of reasonable. We’ve seen it before, but as a technical challenge in 2014. However, I’m not massively excited by this challenge, mostly because the requirement of using coffee really limits everyone’s flavor options, depriving us of the creativity that Dessert Week often brings.

On the other hand, a coffee, cardamom and hazelnut tiramisu would be delicious. Hmm … maybe that’s what I’ll bake to dull the agony later this week.

The person struggling the most with this challenge is Gill, because she hates coffee, and therefore tiramisu. She’s used her husband as a taste tester for her coffee coconut tiramisu (more coconut. Why? An earlier week it would have been fun but not anymore), but she’s not excited about her bake. On the flip side is Illiyin, who loves coffee. “Coffee’s very strong, and I like it like that,” she explains. “Strong, black … like me.” Iconic stuff from Illiyin. Her tiramisu is going to be surrounded by a chocolate cage, and she’s adding cherries. Yum.

Georgie is half Italian and is using a classic family recipe, but is adding hazelnut praline to be fancy. Dylan is also keeping his tiramisu pretty classic, which I didn’t expect. The only twist is that he’s adding cured egg yolks, which feature in a lot of Asian desserts. Now, I’ve eaten many a cured egg yolk in my time, but adding them to a tiramisu never occurred to me. But it’s smart. They’re fancy and exotic enough to impress the judges without having a super strong or distinctive flavor that will offend their (but mostly Paul’s) western palates.

Christiaan is using rose again, but he promises it’s just a tiny bit to bring out the flavor of his strawberries. His tiramisu is strawberry and pistachio, although I don’t really understand how that works with coffee. Sumayah is using lemon, another flavor I don’t really think of as going with coffee. Her decoration is a joconde sponge collar inspired by batik fabric as well as a chocolate lotus flower, which is very on brand.

The best moment of the challenge comes from Dylan telling Noel and Allison to get away from the chocolate box he’s constructing because he doesn’t trust them. After Nelly’s broken bowl of caramel, I don’t blame him. His box comes together, but Illiyin has some chocolate collar problems and has to do a bit of emergency chocolate surgery. However, all the bakes look pretty good by the end of the challenge.

Dylan’s showstopper is praised for its distinctive appearance and good flavors. I’m not into the cinder block look he went for, but I can’t deny it was executed well. Surprisingly, Christiaan’s flavors work. Georgie is praised for her shiny chocolate collar and classic flavors. After a bit of chocolate collar drama, Illiyin manages to present a good-looking bake and is also praised for her flavors. Gill, despite her doubts, has nailed the balance between coffee and coconut and she gives her husband a shoutout for his help.

Unfortunately, the one person who doesn’t do well during this challenge is Sumayah. Lemon and coffee just don’t work well together, and even though her tiramisu looks gorgeous, it doesn’t taste all that great. After a divisive signature and a disastrous technical, she looks pretty doomed. Star Baker, in my eyes, is obvious, as Dylan dominated the first day and had a good showstopper. 

My predictions are accurate, as Dylan is awarded his second Star Baker. And, shockingly, he’s happy! Genuinely happy! It’s so nice to see after several episodes of doom and gloom from him. And sadly, Sumayah is going home. I really didn’t expect it, as I thought she had finalist energy. But all it takes is one bad week and you’re leaving the tent. It’s the nature of the show, but it doesn’t make it easier to deal with.

Sort of like democracy.

Anyway.

Next time is the quarterfinals, and 1970s week! We’ve had many decade weeks, from the Victorian era to the 1980s, but since “seventies” is often used as an insult on Bake Off, it’ll be interesting to see what happens when they have to lean into the kitsch and camp of ’70s bakes. Can Christiaan or Illiyin grab their first Star Baker award? Will Dylan keep up his happy streak? Can Bake Off dull the excruciating pain I’ve been feeling since reading the news this morning? Keep reading to find out.