Do you want to purchase shiny rocks and stones by walking into a store and simply plucking them off of the shelves? No. You want to pay for a little plastic bag and scavenge like the hunter gatherer (emphasis on gatherer) you are. You want to fill up your little plastic back with shiny rocks and crystals. You want to go to a scratch patch.
A scratch patch consists of two things: some decorations mildly strewn around (fake minecart, mining lamp above) and a floor full of polished rocks. You heard me right. At a scratch patch, everyone gets on their knees on the floor and picks up rocks from the ground and then pays the people up front for the privilege of doing so.
But it is worth it. The best part of a store is finding something unexpected, and a successful scratch patch uses this key aspect of shopping to its advantage. You are not allowed into the patch until you have purchased an empty packet, and you cannot quite see what treasures lay within yet. You must voyage into the depths of the patch, hoping to be successful. And you will be. The scratch patch ensures that no one leaves without something of interest. All the hard work of carting in and polishing the semi-valuable stones has already occurred—you must simply choose which stones you prefer over the others.
It is a proven fact that, like crows, humans like shiny objects and trinkets. Collecting shiny rocks of a variety of colors satisfies an evolutionary desire: to have the prettiest rock and to present it to the rest of your tribe, a search successful. Entering the scratch patch, your eyes do not know where to land first. Glittering gems strewn across your vision, you can hear the satisfying clinking between the stones as you walk over them, surveying.
It can be overwhelming at first, the sheer size of the scratch patch. Hence, it is advisable to start in a small area, comb through, and then move onto the next site. For the more seasoned scratch patch goer, I have summarized a few more advanced techniques of searching.
- The ball of string method
Bring with you a ball of string and many metal rods. Carefully maneuver the metal rods into the ground into a grid pattern and weave the string to form the grid. Proceed to inspect each square of the grid for precious stones, marking explored squares with a small spool of thread as you go.
- Trained rodents
About four months before you intend to visit the scratch patch, purchase some rats. Then, begin showing them the kinds of rocks and crystals you want to find at the patch, rewarding them with treats when presented with the desired stones. Once you arrive at the scratch patch, set the rodents loose. The rats will nimbly scramble over the site, combing it thoroughly, and bring you back the rocks you desire. Do not forget the treats. If you do, the rats may forget to bring back the rocks and will keep them for themselves. Rats love amethyst and tiger’s eye stones especially.
- Forbidden method
Forget the scratch patch. Go right to the people who own the site and ask to see the back rooms. You know that is where they keep the good rocks. The rare ones. Insist upon it. I’m sure they will not mind.
In all seriousness, a scratch patch is a wonderful afternoon activity. More businesses should have a storefront model like a scratch patch. The patch owner has turned the shopping experience into an activity in and of itself. Imagine if instead of going to Starbucks and ordering (boring), you had to search around the store, scavenger hunt style, for drinks? Absolutely genius. You could find a rare venti triple ice coffee if you are lucky. Or even a pumpkin spice drink when it is not the right season for it.
Businesses have already put the scratch patch technique to use, to much success. Take thrift stores: helpful to a community and a fun experience going. You never quite know what you may find, and you may find a piece of clothing truly worth it. And you have to search. Case in point: thrift stores follow the scratch patch model of business.
Away with the neat organization of rows and shelves of stores. Everything is much too uniform and the same these days—the soap next to the other kinds of soap, the green apples next to the red apples. The second law of thermodynamics, heavily simplified, states that unchecked disorder increases over time. And if stores now exist in a form of order, what comes next? Disorder.
“But,” you argue, “I need my shopping experience streamlined. I know where everything on my shopping list lives on the shelves. Even the smallest deviation will wreck my whole routine.” This is what online shopping is for. Online, you can simply search for what you need, and it will appear to you. Let the in-person storefronts have a little more pizazz and be a little more fun!
I want to search for something and find something meaningful. Deep down, we are all adventurers at heart, and a good adventurer always needs a seek and find side quest. You want to get those shiny rocks and bring some home, you just know it.
