If you’re anything like me, the new TikTok sound, “Honey, it was ruined when she bought it,” has been mercilessly bombarding your For You Page for the past week and a half. After six days of the sound popping up in every other video on my feed, I decided to go hunting for the original source of the audio clip. I’m not sure what I was expecting. A quote from “South Park” taken out of context? Or perhaps a snippet from “The Simpsons”? I assumed the source was something relatively modern. Something aimed at a young adult audience, surely. Nope. This zinger was said by none other than … Dr. Seuss’s “Cat in the Hat”?
Yes. Apparently the TikTok sound was a direct quote from the “Cat in the Hat” film—a movie I could safely say I had never heard of. Considering I’m far from a cinema connoisseur, this was unsurprising. Still, I decided to look into it. Upon further informal internet investigation, I learned that the movie was released in 2003, directed by Bo Welch and had Mike Myers cast in its titular role. “The Cat in the Hat” was dubiously rated PG for both “mild crude humor” and “some double entendres.” I watched a few clips from the movie, randomly remembered that Mike Myers voiced Shrek and proceeded to watch even more clips from the movie. With every questionable line of dialogue I came across, I grew more and more curious about the existence and erasure of this film. Things could have ended there—and they surely would have for any rational person—but then I thought back to “The Bee Movie” and all the other thoroughly horrible films I’ve watched and thought, “You know what? Let’s add one more to the list.” Such is the downfall of an INFP mind.
Oh god. Where to start? There’s so much—too much—to unpack here. Well, the beginning’s a good place, I suppose. The first few minutes of “The Cat in the Hat” open with a speedrun of worldbuilding as the viewer is shown “Anville”—a fictional town with an overwhelming air of artificiality and a hideous color palette. From there, a decadently satirical society is established where every major character fits neatly into a trope. We have Sally and Conrad’s mom, Joan, playing a stereotypically clueless mother (think “Phineas and Ferb”). Lawrence, Joan’s boyfriend, fits into a classic villain role—the evil wannabe step-father who hates children. Sally is the “golden child” obsessed with cleanliness, organization and control. She’s a third grader with a five year plan, and you can’t help but respect her for it. Her older brother Conrad serves as her foil—a sympathetically disobedient twelve-year-old who stars as the film’s underdog. For the most part, the entire cast is made up of caricatures. That is, the entire cast except for our fellow feline felon: the Cat in the Hat himself.
The Cat in the Hat is an emotionally unstable menace with an inappropriately dark sense of humor, and honestly? I love him for it. Unlike the other cardboard cutout characters who take themselves very seriously, the Cat in the Hat is quick to respond to stressful situations (albeit often stressful situations of his own creation) with a dramatic sigh and a sarcastic comment. He has a concerningly cavalier attitude towards violence, whether that’s violence towards others (ie murder, or “destroying” the family dog) or violence towards himself (he accidentally cuts off part of his tail during what I’ll refer to—very loosely—as a “cooking show”). Yes, the Cat in the Hat is very much a Gen Z icon at heart. That said, I cannot in good faith recommend this film to anyone. Still, if you do, by some lapse of judgment, end up watching “The Cat in the Hat,” I guarantee you will be amazed, amused and appalled.
