The iconic Bread Lion has been posted on the Bake Off Instagram, which can mean only one thing: It’s Bread Week! It’s one of the most terrifying weeks, as Paul is known as the King of Bread, or, as this episode put it, “the Breadfather.” Point being, Bread Week is scary, Paul is scary, and Bread Week is generally one of the toughest and most disaster-ridden weeks. Which is why it was such a pleasant surprise to see nearly all of the bakers sail through Bread Week unscathed.
After a rather bizarre intro, the judges and hosts march into the tent to give the signature challenge. Noel, Allison and Prue were all dressed in their primary color best and looked remarkably coordinated. Paul is in head to toe navy. The signature challenge is a batch of twelve savory buns. Any time buns are made on Bake Off, we get a flurry of innuendos. There were too many to include in the recap, so I’m going to list my favorites here:
“How are your buns, Allison?” – Noel
“They’re juicy, babes” – Allison
“What size are those buns? Are they based on Paul’s buns?” – Noel
“He’s got lovely buns” – Andy
“He is here with me in my buns.” – Mike, in reference to his partner
Moving on!
Andy is making chopped salami buns, which feel like an innuendo in and of themselves. Illiyin, who is thankfully feeling better after last week’s collapse, is making Jamaican coco buns with a chicken filling and chicken skin topping. Yum. Dylan, of the Thai mango sticky rice cake, has headed north to Korea with his gochujang buns. I am not a gochujang fan, but I see the vision. We also learn that Dylan wants to be a chef. Well, an amateur baking competition is as good a place to start as anywhere.
Josh, in his newest reminder that he is an upper middle class Englishman, is making oregano pesto buns inspired by his holidays to Greece. Georgie is also going Mediterranean with pesto and tomato Chelsea buns. Sumayah is making milk bread with a Bangladeshi spiced chicken filling. Because all her bakes must be intricately decorated, her buns are shaped like sunflowers.
We’ve also got some fusion going on, with Mike’s Asian fusion flavors (complete with lamb from his farm at home), and Nelly’s “ethnic harmony” buns. They are inspired by her marriage, as she is Slovakian and her husband is Pakistani. In a wise division of flavors, the bread is Slovak and the filling is a Pakistani vegetable curry.
During the signature, we spend a lot of time with Dylan, and get to know his overachieving, stressed, and vaguely depressed personality. “I really want these to be good. If they’re not I’ll be very upset,” Dylan says, essentially describing the base mindset of all Bake Off contestants.
Usually Bread Week signatures are filled with drama, but this one goes off without a hitch. During judging, nearly everyone does well, except for our two Star Bakers, John and Sumayah. John’s filling has released too much water, leading to a soggy gap between his filling and the bread. And Sumayah’s buns are underproved and dense. It just goes to show how close this group is in terms of talent. On the other side of the coin, Dylan does very well. Despite his doom and gloom attitude because the crust of his buns isn’t exactly how he wanted it, his unique flavors are enough to earn him a handshake from Paul. He tries to act thrilled, but you can still tell he thinks he doesn’t deserve it.
On to the technical – a seven strand plaited (braided, in American) wreath. Since it is a wreath, I will forgive the lack of references to challah. For the first time, we get a demonstration, with Paul showing the bakers how to make a seven-strand plait. It’s a nice reminder that Paul can actually bake, and a test of the baker’s visual learning skills. The actual bread is just a basic dough, so the plait is the main challenge.
Early in the challenge, Andy accidentally adds egg to his dough and has to start again. He kneads like a madman with the rest of the tent cheering him on, and manages to pull it back. Some of the bakers are clearly more comfortable with the plaiting than others. Nelly makes it look easy, while John quite literally ties his dough in knots. Dylan also struggles, and Christiaan completely forgets the second prove.
In last place is Dylan, coming crashing down from his handshake. He looks incredibly depressed about it. John is ninth due to his poor braiding skills, and Christiaan is in eighth due to underproving. At the top we have Andy in third, in a remarkable comeback. Next is Sumayah in second, more than making up for her poorer signature, and in first is Nelly! She is thrilled, and her victory is well-deserved. I am absolutely obsessed with Nelly, and I’m manifesting all the good things in the world for her.
Going into the showstopper, Nelly is slightly ahead and John is slightly behind, but it’s all to play for. The showstopper challenge is a bread cornucopia display, which triggers the “Bake Off lore” part of my brain. See, back in 2015 (the Nadiya series), the Bread Week showstopper was a “3D bread sculpture,” the challenge that gave us the Bread Lion. Now during this same challenge, Alvin (one of the few Southeast Asian bakers to ever grace the tent, and one of my underrated favorites of Bake Off) made a bread cornucopia. Said cornucopia was deemed an entire bakery by hosts Mel and Sue, and criticized by Paul and Mary for not being appropriately sculptural. Well, Alvin gets the last laugh, because his idea has now been expanded to an entire challenge.
Since a cornucopia is also known as a “horn of plenty,” I’m expecting many horn puns. John doesn’t disappoint, when he mentions that the other bakers have “very big horns compared to mine.” Allison jumps in, adding “it’s not about the size babes. It’s what you do with it.” AHEM ALLISON. “I’ve never had a problem before,” Josh says, and the conversation moves on. Josh is making a pride-themed cornucopia, with a rainbow horn, lemon and ginger buns with rainbow icing, and bagels (mercifully not rainbow, never forget the rainbow bagel debacle of 2020).
Some bakers have been inspired by vacation. Gill’s cornucopia is based on her summers in Devonshire, and Andy’s cornucopia is inspired by a trip to New York (making me wish Jeff was still here). We have some sentimental inspiration from Sumayah’s friends-and-family inspired cornucopia (intricately decorated, of course) and Illiyin’s family themed cornucopia. Dylan’s is inspired by his pet cats, Christiaan’s is inspired by flowers, and Georgie’s is inspired by autumn. Nelly’s cornucopia doesn’t have a clear theme, but her flavors are by far my favorite – orange and poppyseed, and walnut, lemon, and sweet cream. Yum.
Midway through the challenge, John suffers disaster. He overproves his bagels and they sink while boiling. He knew he needed to do something special today to stay in the competition, and the pressure is too much. He leaves the tent to cool down, and Allison heads out to give him a pep talk. I love Allison, although her idea of a pep talk is recounting the episode of Strictly Come Dancing when she knew she would be eliminated. It seems to work though, as John is able to carry on.
The rest of the tent is quite chaotic as well. Andy suffers a mini-disaster when the rim of his horn (look, there’s no other way to phrase it) falls off. We cut to Dylan making whipped bone marrow and I feel my arteries closing. In an accurate representation of the way “Bake Off” melts people’s brains, Gill gives us this fantastic quote: “little dinosaur spikes for the Jurassic coastline.” She is referring to, wait for it … strawberries.
And then the challenge is over. “It’s not awful,” says Dylan, looking at his absolute masterpiece of a showstopper. Why does Dylan always sound so gloomy? It’s giving shades of Ruby from series 4, who was always apologizing for perfectly good bakes,
As another indication of the high standard in the tent, nearly everyone has done a very good job with their showstopper. Nelly’s flavors get particular praise, as do Illiyin’s. Georgie’s showstopper is her best bake in the tent so far. Sumayah’s cornucopia is gorgeous, although Paul finds her spiced buns “boring.” Andy’s cornucopia looks a bit smushed, but he’s lifted by a good day yesterday. The best showstopper is Dylan’s, which looks and tastes absolutely fantastic. After a solid three minutes of straight praise from the judges, Dylan finally cracks a smile. Alas, John has not done quite as well. His lemon and ginger bun is underproved and bland, his bagels are horrifically overproved and inedible, and the Bake Off “doomed” music starts playing during his judging. He’s clearly going home.
In the judges’ pavilion, we learn that Nelly, Georgie and Dylan are up for Star Baker. It goes to Dylan, despite his last place in technical. In my opinion it should have gone to Nelly, but Paul clearly has a soft spot for Dylan and his creative flair. Nelly’s time will come. I’m manifesting it.
Going home is John. No surprises there. He flew high with the first Star Baker of the series, then crashed with bread. I’ll miss him, but it was the right call.
Next time: Caramel Week! Featuring sticky biscuits (oh dear), tarte tatin (love!), and a caramel mousse cake (the stuff of nightmares). Is it finally Nelly’s time to shine? Can Dylan cheer up? And who will inevitably crystallize their caramel? Join me next time to find out.
