Dear Leah and Morgan,
I’ve had a pretty good semester. I have been hooking up with someone consistently since the beginning of the year.
It’s nothing too serious, but we’ve been together for a while and it’s fallen into a sort of casual relationship. I’m really content at the moment, but I can’t help but think about what’s going to happen after next week when the semester ends and I go home for winter break.
My ex-girlfriend and I are still close, and I am going to be spending the majority of my break with her. The only reason that she and I are not together is the fact that neither of us wanted to commit to a long-distance relationship. We still talk regularly and I can’t wait to go home and see her, because more than anything, she’s my best friend.
I know that the guy who I am currently with and I aren’t exclusive, but I’m not sure if I should feel bad about hooking up with my ex over break. Also, I don’t know if it’s worth it to tell my current hook-up what’s going on and if it’s wrong if I don’t.
Help me out!
Sincerely,
Struggling to Juggle
Dear Struggles,
We know that it’s hard to hear, but there is no clear answer in this situation. You have to make a decision based on your own discretion.
When you haven’t defined your relationship with a boy, there is no clear-cut course of action. A good marker for these decisions, however, is to base them off of your own feelings about the relationship.
If there is any doubt of whether or not you should feel bad about hooking up with someone else, it is probably a good idea to take a second and think about it.
This isn’t to say that you can’t, or even that you shouldn’t get with your ex, just that you need to consider a few things before you make your decision.
Weigh the consequences
Before making any quick conclusions, take a quick survey of the situation. Be realistic about how serious your relationship is and how invested each of you are in it.
The best and most supported decision is one that you have really considered and in which you feel confident.
If you are sure that what you have on campus is casual, then don’t worry about it! If you’re aware of an inequality in her feelings for you and your feelings for her, then take that into account. Be aware that even if you’re not that into it, this could be serious for her and that her feelings are at stake as well in this situation.
Trust your gut
The best advice we can give here is to be honest with yourself.
In your gut, you know if what you’re doing is cheating or not, and it’s your responsibility to make a decision if it’s right or not, as you’re the only person who has to live with the consequences of your decision.
Be honest with yourself and don’t make any excuses. If you would feel cheated if she hooked up with someone else, then don’t try to play it off. Be honest, and ultimately:
Take responsibility for your action
Whatever you do, make sure that you’re honest with yourself and everyone involved. Even if you decide not to tell your girl on campus, you have to consider what will happen in the event that she finds out.
You also have to consider your potential emotional reaction to seeing your ex-girlfriend. Dredging up old feelings can be dangerous and it is important that you are aware of that risk.
Be prepared to deal with all emotional fallout.
We hope our suggestions help and that the situation gets better!
Best of luck!
Peace, love and good advice,
Leah and Morgan
Have questions that you want answered by the lovely ladies of The Hoot? Submit your questions to advice@thebrandeishoot.com or at formspring.me/leahandmorgan! They will be answered by Leah Finkelman ’13, Features Editor, and Morgan Gross ’14, Impressions Editor. We’re so excited to hear your questions!
