Welcome back to the SSIS column, where we answer any and all of Brandeis students’ questions about sex, sexuality, identity, and relationships. If you have a question you’d like answered in our next column, email ssis@brandeis.edu or leave a question in the Google Form link on the Student Sexuality Information Service Facebook page. Any and all questions are welcome: there are no bad, stupid or weird questions!
(Note: These answers are good-faith attempts by SSIS to be helpful to the Brandeis community, and are by no means exhaustive or to be taken as universal. If these answers don’t resonate with you, either pay them no mind, or reach out to us with suggestions for improvement!)
In an earlier column, you described pornography to be healthy and good self-care. Some groups argue that pornography is damaging to relationships and pleasure. What are your thoughts?
This is a great question and a valid concern. There are a lot of things to consider when deciding whether pornography use is a healthy choice for an individual. Here we will discuss just a few of the potential benefits and downfalls to watching pornography, and we encourage readers to consider what they feel are the healthiest choices for themselves!
Some worry about desensitization with pornography, which can come in a few different forms that might negatively influence pleasure for an individual including physical and mental desensitization. Physical desensitization can result from frequent stimulation, but should go away after reducing stimulation for a while. Mental desensitization may look like feeling less interested in sex with a partner or a shift in expectations about sex. On the other hand, for some people, pornography can actually increase sexual satisfaction with a partner because it allows one to better understand their own pleasure and better communicate their needs! It is important to keep in mind that every mind and body is unique and will experience pornography differently.
It is helpful to reflect on the ways your choices around pornography affect your pleasure, mental health and relationships. Pornography can allow you to explore your desires and sexuality so that you may become more comfortable with yourself and your experience of pleasure. Being in touch with how things make you feel can help you make decisions that you truly feel good about. On the other hand, pornography addiction is a valid concern and should be treated and taken as seriously as any other addiction.
Pornography can also affect relationships. For example, certain behaviors that seem commonplace in pornography may not ring true in people’s actual sex lives. It is important to stay mindful of how pornography may alter one’s beauty standards and expectations. Communicating with your partners about your desires and expectations is super important for any sexual encounter so that everyone can have a safe and pleasurable time.
The most essential aspect of healthy pornography use is developing healthy habits. Pornography is a great tool for individuals and partners to learn and grow, but pornography should still be consumed mindfully. Any of our members would be happy to answer more questions in our in-person or online office hours or through our texting hotline at 586-ASK-SSIS!
Why is female masturbation so taboo?
Thank you for asking SSIS! This is a great question. It’s very true that female masturbation is taboo in our culture.
Sometimes masturbation is stigmatized because it is associated with a lack of impulse control or sex addiction. When practiced in a healthy way, masturbation is a form of self care that can allow you to explore your sexuality and even has some health benefits, such as decreasing menstrual cramps in people with uteruses or improving the immune system for people with penises.
Despite these benefits, female masturbation is often still stigmatized because of cultural ideas of female pleasure. Lack of research and interest in female pleasure and orgasms perpetuated the myth that people with vulvas cannot orgasm or can only orgasm through penetration. The act of masturbation challenges this idea by allowing people with vulvas to explore their pleasure. Masturbation is one way that a person with a vulva can explore their own body and discover what types of stimulation gives them pleasure. Additionally, exploring one’s own body can help in feeling confident in one’s body, sexuality and ability to effectively communicate likes, dislikes and boundaries to a partner during sex.
If there is anything else you want to know about masturbation or about female pleasure, SSIS has plenty of resources. Feel free to stop by our office or come to our virtual office hours. You can also text our hotline at 586-ASK-SSIS.
