A fun fact about me is that I have seen, read, acted in and/or directed all of Shakespeare’s plays. On the Internet, there are many rankings of Shakespeare’s plays that enrage me, so I have dedicated a bit too much of my time to creating the (ahem) correct list. I am publishing it because I am the arts editor and can do what I want and also as a way to justify how I chose to spend my time. We will be going from worst to best, with the bottom nineteen plays this issue and the top nineteen next issue.
38. “Henry VIII”
One play had to take the bottom spot, and it’s “Henry VIII.” It’s less a play and more a series of vignettes, but there are still a couple great scenes sandwiched between quite a lot of incomprehensible boredom. Alas, said incomprehensible boredom is really awful. The kindest thing you could say about this play is that it invented the Tudor drama, but it’s hard to heap too much praise on this play when “The Tudors” did it better.
37. “Timon of Athens”
Sometimes, you wonder whether a Shakespeare play is actually bad or whether you’re just too stupid to understand it. I am *fairly* certain that this is quite bad. Some interesting moralizing can’t distract from the fact that the plot of this play boils down to “old man gives all his money to his friends and dies in a ditch.” It’s not even a figure of speech—he digs a literal ditch for himself and promptly dies in it.
36. “Henry IV, Part II”
Sort of worthy but so dull. This play contains two brilliant scenes and two amazing monologues. If you know the play, you know what I’m talking about. The rest is deeply boring, and there isn’t nearly enough plot to justify an entire play, especially when it feels like Prince Hal’s character arc has kind of already finished. There’s a reason why this is the least-performed play of the Henriad.
35. “The Two Noble Kinsmen”
Co-written, and it shows. A couple good speeches and Hippolyta finally being given her due can’t disguise a paper-thin story. Two, you guessed it, noble kinsmen both want to marry the same girl and because of that they’ll duel to the death! At least the girl in question is given a chance to voice her opinion, but all she does is flap around with indecision and let the fight happen. Arcite falling off a horse at the end is very funny though.
34. “All’s Well That Ends Well”
Helena is a fascinating heroine who deserved a better play. The Countess is an absolute icon, and there are some decent comedy bits with Paroles (and some extremely convoluted comedy bits with Paroles). Unfortunately, the whole thing is dragged down by Bertram, quite possibly Shakespeare’s most annoying romantic lead, and the plot leaves a really bad taste in the mouth.
33. “King John”
Philip Falconbridge is one of Shakespeare’s best antiheroes, and I stand by the fact that the commodity monologue is incredibly cool. The scene with Arthur and Hubert is good too, and Constance’s grief monologue is heart-shattering. Unfortunately, the rest of the play is a bit all over the place, and Act V is almost completely disposable. If you were expecting the Magna Carta, you’ve come to the wrong play!
32. “The Two Gentlemen of Verona”
There are a lot of Very Good Ideas here (cross-dressing, running off into the forest, etc.), all of which would be perfected in later plays. Alas, good ideas cannot hide the shallow characterization of the leads and the absolutely abysmal final scene.
31. “The Taming of the Shrew”
This is probably the best-written early comedy when it comes to verse and story structure. Unfortunately, the actual plot is terrible. It’s so sexist that a response play (“The Woman’s Prize, or the Tamer Tamed” by John Fletcher) was written during Shakespeare’s lifetime. Nowadays, the play is a nightmare to stage and often to watch. Bianca and Lucentio are quite cute though.
30. “Titus Andronicus”
Shakespeare as a slasher film; you’d be forgiven for needing to look away so you can vomit. There’s something oddly intriguing about the primal violence that oozes from this play though, and the play’s core trio of Titus, Tamora and Aaron are fascinating characters. And as far as revenge goes, you can’t beat baking two rapists into a pie and feeding them to their mother.
29. “Henry VI, Part I”
I quite like this play, but even I have to admit that it’s mostly a bunch of dudes running around France taking and losing different towns. Joan of Arc is magnificent, then suffers from a bit of character assassination in the final act. As a whole, the play is more fun prequel than essential viewing for the War of the Roses Cycle, but there are enough good bits to make it worth watching.
28. “The Comedy of Errors”
Madcap, ridiculous fun that’s hilarious when done well, but rather painful when done badly. This also has the distinction of being Shakespeare’s shortest play, which is certainly not a bad thing. Unfortunately, it’s hard to dodge the fact that the plot is deeply contrived, even by Shakespearean standards.
27. “Love’s Labour’s Lost”
It’s super fun to watch if you’re lucky enough to find a good production, but the play is a bit of a chore to read. It delivers some lovely comedy bits and witty dialogue, but it’s dragged down by Holofernes’ yammering, as well as what is quite possibly the most racist scene in Shakespeare. Don Armado is nothing short of iconic though, and there’s a goofy Russian dance sequence.
26. “Troilus and Cressida”
The title characters are probably the least interesting part of the play, but the final battle is absolutely thrilling and all the Trojan War stuff is quite engaging. Ulysses, Hector and Ajax are all brilliant characters, and the scene with Cressida in the Greek camp is suitably chilling. But alas, this play doesn’t quite live up to the potential of “Shakespeare does the Trojan War.”
25. “Pericles”
Delightfully weird. If you go in with your serious hat on, you will have a terrible time, but if you just want to have some fun, this is the play for you. A girl is kidnapped by pirates, sold to a brothel, keeps her virginity, starts a commune for female artists and heals her long-lost father before discovering her mother has been miraculously brought back from the dead by one of Diana’s disciples. And that’s barely half the play!
24. “Richard II”
The poetry is absolutely sublime. Honestly, some of Shakespeare’s best. The plot, not so much, and Richard just really irritates me. The question of the divine right of kings just doesn’t resonate with modern audiences, so some of the play’s power has been lost to time. Still, between the beautiful verse and a whole lot of glove throwing, there’s something worth engaging with here.
23. “Henry V”
I do consider this one to be a little overrated, but there’s a ton of fascinating stuff about war, morality, class, politics and legacy. It’s Shakespeare as a war film, and it hits all the right beats. Catherine is there to lighten things up, the Chorus speeches are appropriately majestic and the Hartfleur monologue is absolutely terrifying.
22. “Julius Caesar”
While a bit overdone, this is an absolutely brilliant play when done well. Brutus, Cassius and Antony are an amazingly complex and intriguing trio of main characters. As a commentary on Rome, and Western society generally, it ticks all the boxes. The funeral scene is rightfully lauded as one of Shakespeare’s best. Does the play go a bit awry in the last third? Yes. But there’s the very gay tent scene, and that counts for something.
21. “The Merchant of Venice”
Possibly the most difficult Shakespeare play to stage and to study, there’s a ton of fascinating and often horrifying material to dig into. Is it antisemitic, about antisemitism or not really about Jews at all? The main characters are wonderfully morally gray, and the trial scene is one of the most complicated scenes in Shakespeare. All that being said, Act V is a bit of a mess, and every moment with Launcelot Gobbo onstage is torture.
20. “Henry VI, Part III”
WAR! VIOLENCE! POLITICAL MACHINATIONS! This is a history that’s got it all. It’s a little bloodsoaked by the end, and some scenes and characters are pretty much disposable, but between the molehill scene, Richard of Gloucester’s epic villain speech, Elizabeth Woodville’s quiet strength, double crosses galore and every moment with Margaret, this is a great play and a real underrated gem of the canon.
Well, that’s all for this week. Come back for the next issue to find out which play is coming out on top!
