What’s up Hoot readers? I don’t know about you, but Valentine’s Day is right around the corner and I feel down baaaaad. For whom? I don’t even know at this point. Though, I know what you’re thinking. “Zach? The Sims homewrecker guy? Single on Valentine’s Day?!? That’s crazy!” You’re right, that is crazy, but I assure you, it’s true. In the midst of my down badness, I’ve been listening to a lot of music and mentally logging the songs I’d like to have on while making out with a future romantic partner. So without further ado, here’s the top ten songs I’d like to make out to:
- Robbers by The 1975 (2013)
This song is a magical experience from beginning to end. It’s been well established by the frontman, Matty Healy, that the song is about a toxic couple robbing each other of happiness by staying together (hence the title), but I don’t care. Matty expresses so much passion in the vocals and I get chills as he repeats “You look so cool” in its epic conclusion. The abundance of emotion and ethereal music create an atmosphere so conducive to making out that Matty would invite fans onstage and kiss them during this song! Therefore, I feel entirely justified in placing this song on the list.
2. Margaret (feat. Bleachers) by Lana Del Rey (2023)
Ugh, this is such a beautiful song. It’s so heart-achingly beautiful that I’m ending my hatred of Jack Antonoff (Bleachers frontman and co-writer + producer of this song). Not only was he a heavy contributor, but it’s based on his relationship with his wife. And of course Lana’s vocals are spectacular! It’s such a personal and intimate song that I knew I had to include. Additionally, I appreciate the song’s hopeful assertion that everyone will find someone in the end (though no hate to people who want to be single, more power to you!)
3. Robbers – Live From The O2, London. 16.12.16 by The 1975 (2016)
Haha, yes, I’m including another version. I find that Matty sings and enunciates certain lines differently on each live version, which I enjoy. It also allows me to play Robbers during the makeout sesh again without technically playing the same thing twice.
4. I Won’t Share You by The Smiths (1987)
My favorite band of all time is The Smiths, which I know drastically decreases the chances of my next makeout sesh occurring, but I’ll hold out hope. It’s rumored that Morrissey wrote the lyrics about Johnny Marr working with other musicians, which actually wouldn’t ruin this as a makeout song for me. If anyone looked at me the same way Morrissey looked at Johnny Marr in the 80s, I’d propose marriage instantly.
5. Robbers (Live from Madison Square Garden, New York. 07.11.22) by The 1975 (2023)
Alright, we’re back here because I have more thoughts. This recording is from The 1975’s “At Their Very Best…” tour in which Matty would call up a fan and make out with them during Robbers. He stopped this stunt during the following tour (the one I attended) because he got a girlfriend, musician and model Gabbriette Bechtel.
This begs the question: if Gabbriette wasn’t in the picture, and Matty selected me, would I make out with him to Robbers? My answer is an emphatic YES. Easiest decision of my life. Most of you won’t get this, but real ones understand Matty’s appeal and the allure of Robbers.
6. About You by The 1975 (2022)
Sorry about adding another 1975 song, but I had to include this 2022 sequel song to Robbers. It features soft vocals by Matty which combine with soothing instrumentation to create a remarkable listening experience. The lyrics are deeply romantic and make my heart melt with every listen. I wasn’t a fan at first, but after hearing it performed live, my view changed drastically.
7. Robbers by Drive Like I Do (2009)
Yes, Robbers again. This version is extra cool though because it’s from an early iteration of The 1975, Drive Like I Do. It’s also not on Spotify, which pains me. A raw, emo rock version of the song, this version is just as meaningful. This is very much due to the vocals of 20-year-old Matty, who brings as much, if not, more passion as he does in 2013. I could definitely see myself making out to it. For that reason, it’s going on the list!
8. Your True Love by The Sapphires (1963)
If you’ve never heard of this song or the artist, you’re not alone. In fact, I was their #1 listener on Last.fm in 2023, meaning I could be their biggest fan. The Sapphires were an early 60s R&B trio and this is my favorite of their songs. It’s a fairly simple love song, but I find it very addicting and often listen to it on loop. Knowing a forgotten 60s R&B group would make me seem very cultured during my next makeout sesh, warranting this addition to the list.
9. Dress by Taylor Swift (2017)
This song is so hot, omg. Making out to it would be insane. Let’s pause with the weepy stuff for one second and appreciate what Taylor did here. Like could you imagine???? Please let this be in my future.
10. Robbers (Live from Gorilla, Manchester, UK / 01.02.2023) by The 1975 (2023)
Ok yeah, you get it by now, I really wanna make out with someone to this song. Like really badly. Anyone interested? I mean, I’m pretty cool. Yen from the dining hall called me handsome once. I’m 6’5 (not true). I read feminist literature (if you count “What Happened” by Hillary Clinton). I’m silly (if you hadn’t noticed from all the articles). And I have the media taste of a cool college-aged girl (despite being a dude). Any takers????
Concluding note: I’ll let you decide whether this article was serious or not. I like to keep things ambiguous. But I will tell you that I’m serious about being single on Valentine’s Day and I know I’m not alone in that regard. So please remember, you’re awesome on your own and don’t need a romantic relationship to be successful. I love you and you should too! Happy Valentine’s Day. <3
