Hello there Hoot readers! I know I have a lot of nerve returning to the Arts Section after last week’s George W. Bush x Timothee Chalamet fanfiction (in print only). However, it’s almost Star Wars Day and like Emperor Palpatine in Episode IX, I have returned … with a vengeance. If you thought the fanfiction was bad, I have some unfortunate news. For my final Hoot article of the 2023-2024 academic year, I have something truly diabolical. In celebration of May the 4th, I’ll be listing my hottest, most controversial Star Wars opinions. Since being introduced to it by my mom at four years old, I’ve absolutely loved Star Wars. It was an essential part of my childhood that will always be dear to me. However, I’ve noticed that my opinions on the franchise tend to diverge from the opinions I hear from fellow fans, so I thought I’d share them here! If you don’t have a bad feeling about this, you should.

1. I love “Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker” (spoilers ahead)

I thought I’d start out swinging! I adore the entire sequel trilogy, ESPECIALLY “Rise of Skywalker”. Haters of this movie (most people) need to learn how to have fun. It’s a hot mess, but that’s why I love it!!! Inexplicably reviving Palpatine with the line “Somehow, Palpatine returned” is incredibly funny to me, as well as the movie’s many fake-out deaths. I’m also a HUGE FAN of the Rey and Kylo Ren kiss at the end of the movie. To see a fan group as reviled Reylo shippers gain a victory out of nowhere was very silly. I also enjoy how Palpatine has a whole fleet of Star Destroyers with mini-Death Star rays attached. It’s over-the-top and ridiculous which fits the overall vibe of the movie. My twin sister and I sat through this movie 18 times in 2022 while doing AP Gov homework, including one viewing in Spanish. We quote this movie all the time and revere Klaud, the yellow space slug who steals the show with his two whole scenes and zero lines. Is my opinion on this film heavily influenced by fond memories of seeing it in theaters and watching it with my twin? Yes, but I encourage you to rewatch this film as a hilarious disaster as opposed to a serious Star Wars film. It’s so bad it’s good!

2. The Mandalorian” sucks (minor spoiler ahead)

I’ve been waiting almost five years to get this off my chest. I think The Mandolorian is soooo boring. I couldn’t care less about anyone in it other than Grogu (Baby Yoda) because he’s the cutest. Just let the audience look at Pedro Pascal!!! Staring at a blank helmet for the entire show (save a few meaningful scenes) is, quite frankly, lame. Season 1 was almost all filler episodes and didn’t do anything groundbreaking besides jumpstarting the new wave of Disney+ Star Wars shows. Season 2 was better because it had a cohesive narrative, but it still had its dull moments. Shamefully (not really), I haven’t mustered up the will to watch Season 3. I find it very difficult to be invested in the show’s low stakes narrative, uninteresting characters and joyless portrayal of the Star Wars galaxy.

3. Disney should remake the Original Trilogy

This may ruffle some feathers, but I genuinely believe in this idea. Alden Erenreich and Donald Glover’s stellar performances as Han Solo and Lando Calrissian are just begging for a full Original Trilogy recast. I have my own fancasts for the other roles including Jordan Fisher as Luke Skywalker, Zendaya as Princess Leia, Michelle Yeoh as Obi-Wan Kenobi, Taraji P. Henson as Emperor Palpatine and Awkwafina as R2-D2. In addition, I would cast Timothée Chalamet as Luke’s fellow X-Wing pilot, Wedge Antilles, because I stan him and owe him an apology for the George W. Bush fanfic. These remakes would introduce the franchise to future generations of fans who can see themselves in the diverse cast. Angry dudebros online will throw a fit, but the hate won’t win. These stories are timeless and meant to be passed down. Nothing will erase the original Original Trilogy, but current Star Wars content requires too much prior knowledge. Going back to the basics would breathe new life force into this beloved franchise!

4. Luke was handled perfectly in “The Last Jedi” (spoilers ahead)

People hate “Star Wars: The Last Jedi” for very many reasons. The most prevalent complaint I hear is about the movie’s treatment of Luke Skywalker. His transformation into a bitter recluse that resents the Jedi Order rubbed many fans the wrong way who feel it reversed his character development from the Original Trilogy. To them I say: tough shit! I’m sorry your hero disappointed you. You’re not the first person to be let down by your hero. By subverting expectations regarding Luke, director and writer Rian Johnson forced audiences to confront the myths of their heroes. In addition, Luke’s character arc over the course of the film served as a moving commentary about coping with and learning from failure. It’s upsetting to see heroes fall from grace, but what would be learned if Luke simply returned and kicked ass?

5. Dave Filoni should be fired

I’m so sick of Dave Filoni!!! I appreciate the guy for making the “Star Wars: The Clone Wars” animated show, which I loved watching with my dad as a kid, but his later work has faltered. He’s bland and predictable when doing anything besides fan service. Filoni was recently promoted to Chief Creative Officer of Lucasfilm, which means we should prepare for 50,000 more projects with Mandalorians and the same overused characters from “Star Wars: Rebels” (I’m already falling asleep). This low-risk strategy leads to uninspiring and mediocre content. Lucasfilm should prioritize risk taking and replace Dave with someone that has a bolder creative vision.

6. Rey is a Skywalker (spoilers ahead)

I know I already addressed “Rise of Skywalker,” but this specific topic is controversial on its own. Rey proudly declaring herself “Rey Skywalker” at the end of the movie enrages many fans who correctly note that she is a Palpatine by blood. However, this is very shortsighted. Emperor Palpatine ruined Rey’s childhood and only wanted to use her to extend his life. He was an awful grandfather! With Luke, Leia and Han, Rey found caring parental figures who shaped her into a strong Jedi and leader. Her found family is the Skywalkers and it’s very beautiful when she decides to take their name.

7. May the Force be with you!

Apologies to my fellow Star Wars fans if my opinions shocked or offended you (I don’t actually care lol). I hope I didn’t sound aggressive in my countering of popular opinions, as that would make me a Sith Lord. Your opinions are just as valid as mine! This article wasn’t as unhinged or personally revealing as the last few, but I thought it’d be a nice way to leave you yearning for next semester’s wacky adventures. Thank you so so so much for reading my articles this year. And thank you, as always, to The Hoot’s staff (especially Naomi) for putting up with my nonsense. May the Force be with you this April break, May the 4th, finals season and summer!!! If I’m still obsessed with Matty Healy and keep inserting him into articles this Fall, I’m deeply sorry. BYEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!