How do I work on setting sexual boundaries with my partner? They always want to do anal but I don’t want to.

Thank you for writing to SSIS! The sexual boundaries that you want to set with your partner are totally valid. If your partner is expressing a desire for anal sex that you’re not comfortable with, here are some options to consider: You may want to set up a time for an open and honest conversation. I would recommend choosing a comfortable place with plenty of time set aside to talk. Express your feelings and desires calmly and assertively and encourage your partner to share their feelings and desires as well. Clearly define your boundaries and what you are comfortable with in your sexual relationship to help prevent misunderstandings. You may also want to discuss other sexual activities or fantasies that both you and your partner may be interested in. This can help maintain a fulfilling sexual connection without compromising your comfort. If you decide to explore other sexual activities that might push boundaries, you may want to consider implementing a safe word for both you and your partner’s comfort and consent. A good safe word is a common word that yet doesn’t come up frequently in conversation or during sex; for example, “eyebrow.”

If you find it challenging to communicate about this topic or if you feel that your partner does not respect your boundaries, you may want to consider seeking guidance from a professional at the Brandeis Counseling Center (BCC) or from a member at SSIS where we are all trained in peer support. You can always reach out to SSIS at 586-ASK-SSIS to set up an after-hours appointment or come in during our open hours where we are always happy to work with you further.