SSIS advice column

November 15, 2019

Welcome back to the SSIS column, where we answer any and all of Brandeis students’ questions about sex, sexuality, identity and relationships. If you have a question you’d like answered in our next column, email or leave a question in the Google Form link on the Student Sexuality Information Service Facebook page. Any and all questions are welcome: There are no bad, stupid, or weird questions! 

(Note: These answers are good-faith attempts by SSIS to be helpful to the Brandeis community and are by no means exhaustive or to be taken as universal. If these answers don’t resonate with you, either pay them no mind, or reach out to us with suggestions for improvement!)

Do you have any advice on how to improve masturbation as a cis male?

This is a wonderful question! There are many ways to improve masturbation for cis males. 

One way to improve masturbation is to get to know your body more. This means learning about your anatomy and pleasure centers. Cis males tend to have many pleasure centers, including the shaft, glans, frenulum, perenium, testes and scrotum, anus and prostate. Each of these centers can be stimulated in many different ways. If you’d like more information about anatomy and stimulation, feel free to stop by SSIS during any of our open office hours! We have a variety of books on masturbation and technique that might be helpful to you. 

Another way to improve masturbation can be to explore erotica, such as pornography or erotic writing. Masturbation is a healthy and safe way to learn about your fantasies, wants and desires. Pornographic images, videos, stories, etc. can help you learn about those desires and also help get you into the mood! SSIS has a variety of erotic writing in our library availible to be taken out. 

One final way to improve masturbation for cis males can be to try using toys. Toys for cis males include masturbatory sleeves, anal toys, cock rings, nipple clamps and more. At SSIS, we sell a masturbatory sleeve for $7, butt plugs for $15 and cock rings for $3. If you are interested in learning more about toys, or looking for recommendations for where to buy them, feel free to ask SSIS!

My partner and I have great sex, and I always finish, but he has more stamina than I do that sometimes he doesn’t get to. I know it’s ok to say no, and he says it’s OK that he doesn’t always get to cum, but I feel bad. How can I make sure he’s satisfied but also make sure my vagina isn’t chafed all the time?

This is a great question. While it sounds like your partner is OK with not cumming every time you both have sex, it makes sense that you want to make sure he’s satisfied! There are multiple ways that you can proceed in this sort of situation, from doing things to help yourself last longer to exploring non-penetrative sexual activities. 

If you’re looking to make penetrative sex last longer, think about experimenting with different types of lube. Also, taking a break for oral sex can do a lot to help get back in the mood. Whether you go down on him or he goes down on you (or both!), this kind of shift can increase your stamina and can also be hot, too. Taking breaks, changing positions/sexual acts and using lube are all potential ways to increase stamina. 

However, there are plenty of ways to continue being sexual without having penetrative sex be the end goal. Mutual masturbation can be a great way to be sexual together, while also helping to make sure that he cums. Since people tend to be the best at getting themselves off, this will allow you to share the experience while also increasing the chance that he cums. Another possibility is licking/sucking his balls while he touches himself; this can increase sensation while still letting him get himself off. Oral sex, hand jobs and mutual masturbation are all great ways to cum while lessening the risk of chafing. 

It may also help to think about what things tend to trigger orgasm for your partner. Is there a particular phrase you can say that he’s really into? Is there a particular position that really works for him? Using your knowledge of your partner’s likes and dislikes may help in this process.

It’s great that your partner respects and values your boundaries and pleasure, and that you respect and value his! Whether he cums or not, it seems that the both of you are having a great time, which is awesome. Hopefully these tips help—if you’re looking for more suggestions, there are plenty of resources in the SSIS library that may be helpful to you. 

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