SSIS advice column

November 20, 2020

Welcome back to the SSIS column, where we answer any and all of Brandeis students’

questions about sex, sexuality, identity and relationships. If you have a question you’d like answered in our next column, email or leave a question in the Google Form link on our Facebook page. 

(Note: These answers are good-faith attempts by SSIS to be helpful to the Brandeis community, and are by no means exhaustive or to be taken as universal. If these answers don’t resonate with you, either pay them no mind or reach out to us with suggestions for improvement!)

How do I ask someone to have phone sex with me without it being awkward?

Thank you for asking SSIS! This is a great question. Sexting and phone sex can be a great way to feel connected to a partner or partners, especially during long-distance or a period of social distancing.  

There are a couple ways you could go about starting the conversation. At SSIS, we always recommend that communication be open, honest, early and often. With this in mind, you may want to share with your partner or partners the reasons you are interested in trying phone sex. In order to show your partner(s) that their feelings are important to you, ask them how they feel about it. If they are interested in continuing the conversation, it may be a good idea to discuss boundaries and safety online. Establishing boundaries can help all parties feel safe and comfortable in the virtual space. You can each share what aspects of phone sex you are excited to try and what parts you do not feel comfortable with. 

If starting the conversation feels intimidating, that’s super valid! There are also subtle ways to ease into the conversation. For example, you could watch a movie together that features a scene with phone sex, then casually ask your partner(s) what they thought of the scene. Just Googling “movies with phone sex” will give you a bunch of options! 

We created a resource for safer sexting and phone sex where we provide tips on establishing boundaries, expressing desire, figuring out what to say and deciding how to say it. Figuring out what you want to say and how to say it ahead of time can help you feel more confident and allow you to explore what turns you on. To access our “Sexting & Phone Sex 101: Keeping the spark alive during long distance” resource visit it here

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