To acquire wisdom, one must observe

SSIS advice column

Welcome back to the SSIS column, where we answer any and all of Brandeis students’

questions about sex, sexuality, identity, and relationships. If you have a question you’d like answered in our next column, email ssis@brandeis.edu or leave a question in the Google Form link on our Facebook page. (Note: These answers are good-faith attempts by SSIS to be helpful to the Brandeis community, and are by no means exhaustive or to be taken as universal. If these answers don’t resonate with you, either pay them no mind, or reach out to us with suggestions for improvement!)

What do I do with his balls?

This is a great question! Playing with your partner’s balls can be a great way to increase and intensify sensation. Before we dive in with tips, though, it’s important to make sure to ask if your partner enjoys ball stimulation at all. Many find it too intense or simply don’t find it pleasurable. It can be intimidating to ask these questions in the moment, so if you’re shy or nervous, perhaps consider bringing up the topic in a non-sexual moment.

All of these are general tips, and may not necessarily apply to him. Licking all around the scrotal sack may help you find out what parts feel specifically good to him. Many people with scrotums enjoy stimulation of the raphe, which is the line separating the testes. He may also enjoy having you take one or both of his balls into your mouth. Simultaneous stimulation is also great: fondling his balls with your hand with your mouth on his penis (or vice versa) can feel really good. Essentially, experimenting with licking and sucking different areas is a good general idea. If he is interested in prostate stimulation, pressing on the perineum (the area between the scrotum and anus) might feel really good to him. Be very careful with all of this, as this area is especially sensitive! As always, asking him what feels good and monitoring his reactions are great ways of determining what works and what doesn’t. And don’t forget to be gentle, unless told otherwise!

We hope that these tips helped and wish you the best of luck with this adventure!

Prior to the guy I’m currently seeing, I only ever gave a blowjob to one other person. The other person always came pretty quickly when I was blowing him, even though he lasted a good while during sex. I haven’t had sex with the guy I’m currently seeing, but he takes significantly longer to come during oral sex. As much as I enjoy pleasuring my partners, I just get tired trying to make him come… He is very communicative, so that isn’t the issue. I don’t really have a point of reference or know how to keep track of how long its taking. How do I make him come faster? Or how do I focus on enjoying the process of pleasuring him when it literally hurts?

Thank you for asking this question! It’s great that your partner is communicative, but we also want to make sure that you’re taking care of yourself in the process. You’ve said that you “just get tired of trying to make him come” and that “it literally hurts” at times, so we want to make sure that you know that you never are obligated to engage in sexual activity if you aren’t enthusiastic about it, or especially if it’s causing you pain. Also, you’re never obligated to make him come all on your own, or at all! A good blow job doesn’t necessarily have to include the whole process from start-to-finish.  

A lot of the time, the person performing oral sex has different wants and limits than the person receiving, and as long as all parties’ wants and limits are respected, that’s okay! One way to mitigate this might be to divide the “work” between the two of you. You might give him a blow job for as long as you’re comfortable, and he can finish the process himself. Or perhaps the other way around: he starts off the process, and you finish it! Dividing the work can be a great way to work together to help make him come.

Another thing you could try would be to alternate techniques. If your mouth needs a rest, try alternating with hands. Changing up speed can also be a great way to do this: try alternating between hard/fast and slow/sensual strokes. Of course, continuing to communicate and asking what he likes is essential, but switching things up like this is often really hot to a lot of people (and also provides a good break for you)! You could also ask if he would be comfortable with you playing with or licking/sucking his testicles or stimulating his perineum (the area between the penis and the anus). If it’s the position that is causing you pain, you could play around with trying different positions – you could lie on your back with some pillows or the headboard of a bed keeping your upper body upright and he could straddle your chest; he could stand and you could kneel; he could lie on his back and you could lie down or kneel between his legs and if you’re comfortable, you could ask him to stimulate you manually with his fingers while you give him a blowjob; you could even try “69-ing” or engaging in mutual and simultaneous oral sex so that you can feel pleasure too! When everyone is enthusiastic and happy about what’s going on, pleasure will likely follow!

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