It is no secret that women and girls are the butt of modern society’s jokes. From day one we are put into some box: tomboy, girly-girl…Why can’t women just be women? For others that is simply not enough. 

I remember being told that if a boy is mean to you it is because he has a crush on you, and that bullying is flirting. This toxic narrative of women being forced to smile while getting pushed around has forged something in our media that I doubt will ever subside—the criticism of women for existing. 

This idea has been seen everywhere in the recent months, particularly on social media in which girls are criticized for following trends and still criticized, in other ways, for being more unique. New “types” of girls are springing up every few months to be torn down until another happy group of individuals becomes the unlucky butt of the internet’s joke once again. Criticism of women for living their lives and something as simple as having bodies has also existed within general media and news for years prior to the boom of social media. Recently, people are apologizing to women who they wronged in the past such as Janet Jackson—whose “wardrobe malfunction” at the 2004 Super Bowl cost her respect and turned the world against her. 

We don’t see this same type of criticism when it comes to men—famous or otherwise. When John Mulaney checked into a rehab center for drug and alcohol addictions recently, everyone posted in solidarity hoping he would get better soon. But, when Demi Lovato entered rehab for the second time, she was made a joke. Even when making themselves better, women are mocked. The lack of respect for women in general is appalling, but this isn’t anything new. 

The male gaze has been on my mind a lot recently as well. Like the criticism of women in the media, it is something I am becoming more aware of as I grow older. I often catch myself playing a character more likable for men, and my internalized male gaze is growing more unbearable. Women are put into these boxes in media and modern culture based on how they appeal to men, and every woman is in one. If you fall outside of the traditionally desirable you will be harassed and mocked; if you are traditionally desirable you will be sexualized and diminished to merely the physical. This mockery and sexualization even comes from other women despite being based on male preferences. 

It seems as if there is no escaping the troubles of being a woman in a male-dominated society, as the self-hatred is built within all of us. Women don’t exist for men, and I am grappling with attempting to take back that power. 

I wish this article was more hopeful, for me and for you readers, but right now I am just not hopeful in the slightest. I have been mentally bombarded by the pains of existence as a woman online and in college, and my professors have been assigning feminist readings for homework lately! Since there is no changing the system while I have homework for five classes to work on, the least I can do is become more aware. I hope you all are able to do so as well.