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A letter to our nemesis

First, I would like to start off with a formal apology. It was never the intent of myself nor the rest of The Hoot (™) staff to make you feel like you were in a one-sided relationship. Believe me, been there, done that and I know it’s awful so we are truly sorry for making you feel that way. 

That being said, we gladly accept you guys as our nemesis on campus. I personally quite enjoyed our back and forth on the whiteboard last semester, very Perry the Platypus and Dr. Doofenshmirtz vibes, if you will (you can decide who is who in that scenario). Though I must admit your page counting skills on the whiteboard were quite confusing. Also just in terms of custody, the whiteboard is ours. At least this is what I’m told by my superiors because—to be honest—I just showed up one day and that whiteboard was already there. For all I know they built the SCC around the whiteboard. But neither here nor there, this is us formally staking our claim to the whiteboard. And, yes, it took a long time to get the marker off because it was on there for two years. Don’t worry, I’m only slightly bitter. I’m not providing context on that one for those who are confused—deal with it. 

I’m glad you guys liked our Hit-List by the way. I debated giving context to the people who don’t frequent the Brandeis Media Collation (BMC) room often but to avoid potential run-ins with the administration, yes we put up a Hit List but it’s just the names of all the editors of the Hoot. Why did we call it a Hit-List and not a family tree you ask—cause, that’s why. Back to my point, nice little copycat moment, the paper towels were a nice touch. I want you to know I spent approximately an hour writing out those names and cutting them, I can see the same amount of effort was put into yours. 

I propose a prank war in the BMC room commence immediately. I think this will really improve the camaraderie the university wants to facilitate amongst students on campus. Also, may I suggest we invite the other clubs in the BMC to join in this rivalry. We wouldn’t want anyone to feel left out. How do we get other people in on this, I’m not sure if anyone will actually read this? We can discuss the details later. 

On behalf of the entire Hoot editorial board, thank you for naming us before The Justice. We don’t have that happen often, typically we just get left out altogether like that one child the parents don’t like. In fact, at the involvement fair in September someone came up to our table and asked us if the name of our paper was a joke. And if that doesn’t just about sum up our presence on campus I don’t know what will. Whoever that person was, thank you sir, you made my day.

We, maybe I shouldn’t speak on behalf of our editorial board for this one, but I most definitely agree with you guys about the equestrian club. WHERE ARE THEY KEEPING THE HORSES? On another note, where are they keeping the equestrian club? 

We are all quite excited to begin this journey with your club. Thank you for throwing down the gauntlet to initiate the beef between our two student union-approved clubs. We sensed the tension there for a while but didn’t know whether we should instigate anything or not. We look forward to a prosperous relationship and an interesting semester of finding weird things in the BMC. 

One last note, we know what you keep in your filing cabinet. (That is a threat). 

Forever your favorite nemesis,

The Hoot (but really Victoria <3)

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