It is now 5:22 p.m. on Thursday, May 5. The official deadline for this article was at 12 p.m.. The hard deadline (which I myself insisted on) was at 2 p.m.. And here I am, sitting here, not knowing what to say. I read the senior ops of the other seniors, hoping that they would inspire me to say something nice about brandeis. Nope, I am still the bitter bitch I was 30 minutes ago. But what will they do, fire me?

I could also talk about all the wonderful professors I had here. All the professors who have put me on the spot the last 70 days, making coming to class so much harder. Yes, I clearly want everyone around me to know that my home is getting destroyed. That my family is getting killed. That my sisters are getting raped. That my brothers are getting tortured. Maybe those wonderful professors will also tell everyone that I cry in the bathroom in between classes?

People come up to me and tell me how impressed and proud they are that I held it all together. That I finished this semester (with good grades at that). That makes me want to scream. I am nothing but the pathetic remains of a human being that was once hopeful. You should not be proud of me. I didn’t do anything. I am nothing but a broken person, with a severe case of survivor’s guilt and nightmares that will never seem to end. 

I keep thinking about the fact that this will end up on the internet, as well as in 750 physical copies. This is my last ever article for The Hoot after all. But I don’t even care. I hope everyone knows how much brandeis has failed me. Over and over again. I hope brandeis doesn’t ever get another Ukrainian student again—even with the free tuition at the International Business School, it is not worth the damage this school has done to my mental health. This is the school that allowed a club and department to fundraise for BOTH russia and Ukraine afterall! Oh and the school where a dean proudly told me that another student put up a Ukrainian flag, and the administration took it down.

But let me interrupt my toxicity for a second to shout-out the good things about brandeis. It’s funny, the only organization I have nothing bad to say about is the COVID-19 testing site, and that will soon be gone too. But I have to say, I have met some great people at brandeis, for whom I will always be grateful. Thanks for not being awful, guys. Oh and shout-out to the Graduate Student Association: thank you for always having free alcohol to make this school more bearable.

All in all, coming to brandeis was probably the worst decision I have made in my entire life. To students considering brandeis: don’t come here. To the sophomores and freshmen: it is not too late to transfer. To the juniors and seniors: try to leave this sinking ship as soon as you can. 

Maybe I am sorry that I am leaving brandeis with nothing but hatred in my heart, but honestly, it deserves it. Maybe if I wrote my senior op last year, with the class of 2021, this senior OP would be better. Maybe I’d tell you nice things about brandeis. But right now, I cannot. I was broken 70 days ago. brandeis did nothing, except break me even more. So I cannot say anything, except I hope this place burns down to ashes. Maybe then the people I interview with will actually know what brandeis is.