It is Week Two in the tent, and as we are reminded by Allison’s rather ominous voiceover, “11 bakers remain.” Week Two, per longstanding Bake Off tradition, is Biscuit Week. The opening confessionals pass without much fanfare, except for Pui Man revealing that she likes to dance when she is stressed. I can relate.

The signature challenge is 12 slice and bake biscuits featuring a picture or design. The classic version of this is the checkerboard biscuit (you stack different colored biscuit dough into a log shape, slice it and bake. But no, the bakers cannot make that, because Prue immediately announces that she doesn’t want a simple checkerboard. No, no, no. We must have an elaborate shape, picture or design. Once again, a Bake Off: The Professionals type of challenge on normal Bake Off. The challenge-setters are at it once again.

We first head to Pui Man, who is making ox-shaped biscuits (inspired by her Chinese zodiac) flavored with almond and ginger. She is not alone in her choice of almond. Nataliia’s white Yorkshire rose biscuits are almond-flavored, and Jessika’s egg and bacon on toast-shaped biscuits are flavored with almond and black cherry. I’m obsessed with both the design and the flavors. 

The other main flavor of the challenge is orange. Most on the nose is Leighton, whose biscuits are orange-shaped and orange-flavored. Jasmine is making spiced orange sailboat biscuits. Iain’s biscuits are shaped like his cat, and he, too, has gone for spiced orange. Toby is also making his cat in biscuit form, but his flavors of pecan and banana are more unique. Also unique is Nadia, who is making avocado-shaped biscuits flavored with matcha. Come on, Nadia. We all know Paul hates matcha! Why would you do this?

We learn about the baker’s home lives in the cutaways. Notably, Jasmine’s boyfriend informed her that her sailboat biscuits looked like the Millennium Falcon, and Aaron’s boyfriend said his biscuits looked like Munch’s “The Scream.” Where are the supportive boyfriends? Even worse, Aaron’s biscuits are meant to be shaped like his best friend’s baby daughter.

The main drama of the challenge is that Pui Man is incapable of making her ox biscuits look like oxes. To add insult to injury, the edit keeps cutting back to Tom, who is happily making his insanely complicated Turkish-spiced lemon biscuits that depict the Hagia Sofia. The challenge ends with camera movement fierce enough to make me motion sick, and we head to judging.

During judging, nearly everyone has underbaked their biscuits. Hm…perhaps that means the bakers were not given enough time? That seems the most likely conclusion. Nadia, shockingly, is told that she needed more matcha flavor, even if Paul doesn’t like it. Then, Toby is criticized for too much banana flavor, despite it being one of Paul’s favorites. Who is this judge, and what has he done with Paul Hollywood? After a long string of “looks neat but underbaked” critiques, we get to Pui Man, who is informed that her ox biscuits look more like Pokémon. I hate to say it, but I kind of agree with the judges on that point. Aaron probably does the best overall in the signature, as his cartoon-y biscuits are appropriately thin and deemed delicious. 

Onto the technical! After the ridiculousness of last week, I was on the edge of my seat, but mercifully, the challenge is simple enough: hobnobs. A classic British biscuit, made with rolled oats and covered in chocolate. Prue’s version involves caramel, just to make things harder. 

Most of the bakers cruise through the challenge, with occasional worries about crumbly biscuits or watery caramel. Poor Pui Man, however, has a nightmare from start to finish. She can’t manage to make 12 biscuits and has to settle for 10. She puts the caramel in the molds first and then can barely get her biscuits out of the mold. The final result is an absolute mess, and after a poor signature, I’m getting the sinking feeling that Pui Man might be doomed.

In judging, the main critique is that the biscuits are too thick, have too much caramel, or are messy. Some people do well, though, and Toby’s batch of biscuits receives particular praise from Prue, who calls them “perfect hobnobs.”

In 11th place is Pui Man, whose biscuits were closer to millionaire’s shortbread than hobnobs. Leighton is in 10th (too thick pretty much everywhere) and Lesley is in ninth (overbaked). At the top, we have Nataliia in third, Jessika in second, and Toby’s perfect hobnobs are in first. It’s his second technical win in a row, and he is very proud of himself.

In the judges’ pavilion, Prue says that Pui Man needs to knock it out of the park and someone else needs to mess up for her to stay in the competition, which sounds about right.

The biscuit week showstopper is always some biscuit construction nightmare, and this year is no exception—we’ve got biscuit time capsules. Now, this is a stupid concept, but I can’t lie, I kind of like it. A biscuit box needs to contain five biscuit mementos that represent something to do with the baker’s personality. It’s sort of cute and not the most insane feat of construction that has graced the Bake Off tent.

Leighton’s box is shaped like a piano, and my favorite of his mementos is his Blue Peter Badge, just because it is so aggressively British. After honoring her Ukrainian heritage last week, Nataliia is focusing on her new life in England by making a slice of cake-shaped box and mementos that include her daughter’s heritage. Awwww. Aaron is making an abstract sort of Japanese garden flavored with yuzu (the citrus fruit that Paul once so sagely deemed “neither lemon nor lime”). Lesley is honoring trips to the beach and her rescue dogs. Apparently, one of said dogs was rushed to urgent care after eating something on the beach—it turned out he ate a blunt and was just high on weed. What a story.

We also see repeat inspiration from some of the bakers. Toby is once again paying tribute to his Danish granny, this time by making her pink cottage in biscuit. Jasmine is going for a Scottish theme again with her “picnic in Scotland” biscuit showstopper. Pui Man is once again drawing on memories from Hong Kong, this time making the Jumbo Boat restaurant, where she always went for Chinese New Year with her parents until the boat sank. It’s an elaborate design, and she really needs to pull it out of the bag if she wants to stay in the competition.

During the challenge, Leighton falls way behind with construction, and the top of Nataliia’s cake box collapses.  Aaron boldly declares that he’ll finish on time at the two-hour mark, and then, shockingly, falls behind and isn’t able to decorate his memento biscuits. Pui Man, however, stays in control. Perhaps there is hope for her yet?

In judging, Leighton’s showstopper is quite sloppy and underbaked. Nataliia’s is broken, but she’s saved by good flavors. By contrast, Nadia has produced a gorgeous showstopper. Toby’s treasure chest time capsule gets the dreaded “style over substance” comment from Paul. Aaron, like Nataliia, is saved by amazing flavors, particularly his Earl Grey memento biscuits. Pui Man is next, and her showstopper is an absolute knockout. It’s detailed, gorgeous, and tastes amazing. She has done everything in her power to stay in the competition; it’s just a question of whether it will be enough.

Last up is Tom, whose biscuit cottage is beautiful. It tastes good as well. But then, the unthinkable happens. Paul gives Toby a handshake. For a showstopper. In week two. BOOOOOOOOOO. I am a certified Hater of the Hollywood handshake, and a showstopper handshake this early in the series is crossing the line and then some. 

It’s obvious that Tom will get Star Baker, and the question is whether Pui Man has saved herself while someone else has dropped to the bottom. In the end, the answer to that question is yes. Pui Man gets to fight another week, and poor Leighton, who had a rough technical and a rougher showstopper, is sent home. He takes it with good grace.

Next time: Bread Week! Will we see more Hollywood handshakes? Can Pui Man redeem herself? And what ridiculous challenges will be thrown the bakers’ way? Join me next time to find out.

Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons