Why am I here?: life updates

November 20, 2020

Here we are, another old column back by popular demand! Except this time popular demand means my girlfriend saying, “remember that terrible idea you had for a column last year, yeah bring that old corpse back.” So back by “popular demand” the corpse of “Why am I here?” returns. 

Since I originally wrote this column about the absurd college life that I was discovering last year as a tiny first-year, it only seems fair to revamp it as we all discover what college/life during the coronavirus pandemic is like. Since my last “Why am I Here?,” which for my own sanity while writing I will now make into “WAIM”—you know, the sound that depressed superheroes make when they punch someone, I have become the co-deputy editor of this very opinions section. 

Whoever made that call really must not have had a lot of options because there’s my co-dep who writes good articles and then there’s me. In other words, to quote one of my favorite quotes with a small change, “there’s the people who love writing and write well at the top, then the rich, the middle class, the poor, the homeless, then there’s fifty feet of solid crap, and then there’s me.” So, I do not know who is responsible for that call but when this section is reduced to rubble just know that I warned you in advance.

Also, since the coronavirus spread like a [redacted] across the globe… sorry, I can’t bring myself to make jokes about a virus since it’s what’s causing this pandemic. But anyway, the COVID-19 pandemic has made me and a lot of my friends turn to gaming as an outlet since being outside with others is frowned upon currently. I have been returning to an old favorite from high school on my phone: BALLZ. The game is as simple as four! Or so I have heard, I have been told I can’t count so for all I know four is the highest number ever. In the realm of two and half months I have doubled my score. For a frame of reference, COVID-19 has left me with so much time inside that I was able to double my score in a game I have been playing since sophomore year of high school. I have done four years of work in two and half months, moving my score from 1313 to 2807 today. Am I proud of this? No, I can’t say I am. It is especially terrible when you find yourself during a Zoom lecture looking down between your legs and in your hands are your BALLZ. It is by no means a flattering moment when you realize the irony and how low you have stooped to get here. But nevertheless, I continue to find ways to lower the bar for my own personal success nowadays.

The other game I have been playing is League of Legends. I never thought I’d become an “LOL-er” but like I said my bar keeps going lower. I do not know when it’ll stop but isn’t half the fun finding out when it’ll stop? My friends got me into the game reluctantly and what can I say, I am god-awful at it. For those that know the lingo of this game prepare for this: no matter what I do I always get ganked! Bot lane as sup and whoops the Jungler just dodged my stun and now I am being shredded alive. Top lane, just trying to farm and of course Darius pulls me in and guillotines me to death. I do not even dare going mid I am too scared. 

So, this is my life currently—the bar keeps dropping and where it’ll end is a mystery for all of us. But since the coronavirus does not seem to be wanting to stop soon I assume I will shortly find out how low this bar can go as I continue to be terrible at video games in my dorm.

Editor’s Note: This is the eighth part of the “Why am I here?” series. 

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