Thank you so much for your question! It can be difficult to navigate a pleasure gap when having sex with your partner. Perhaps it could be valuable to open up a conversation about what you know your likes and dislikes are. If you are unsure what those may be, it is okay! It could be valuable to explore on your own before talking with your partner. But it is okay to leave things open, as exploring with your partner can be another way to build intimacy and trust.
Before a roll in the hay, have a conversation with your partner. It may help to have the conversation in a neutral moment, as your desires may change when you’re hot and bothered. Some things that you can discuss are: whether you like dirty talk, where you like to be touched (or not), and what positions are most comfortable. It is okay if this feels unfamiliar or awkward! All of these conversations can build intimacy and trust, which are ingredients in the recipe for a good orgasm.
So it is time to get it on—what now? If you’re unsure where to start, we have a section in the SSIS library all about sexuality and technique. If you’re interested, we also stock a plethora of sex toys that can be integrated into the bedroom. Using toys during sex can be a fun way to mix things up, add different sensations, and bridge the pleasure gap. One option could be to try using a vibrator during sex. This could look like using it on your clit during penetration, sharing the vibration, having them use it on you, or edging. Another option could be to use a C-ring. These can increase sensations and help in staying hard. These toys (and all sex toys) can be used together, which means the possibilities are endless! It can also be fun to play with your partner together using your new toys and techniques, whether watching each other or a video.
If you’re looking to browse products, research techniques, or talk game, stop by the SSIS office (SCC 324) for some confidential information. Good luck getting it on!
