By some twisted, freak accident of God, the weather in London was clear and sunny during the four days I was there. I’m well aware that because of this, I may have a more positive impression of the city than others. Indeed, London may seem like a hard city to romanticize; as a global city and the UK’s financial powerhouse, huge sections have been given over to questionable modern architecture. But just steps away from a gleaming skyscraper, you’ll find an elegant Baroque facade or a relic of medieval times; a near-seamless juxtaposition between the past and the future. Add that to a proud cultural and artistic heritage, alongside a vibrant, multicultural population, and you’ll understand why London still exerts a powerful hold over the world’s imagination.
Best of the City:
- The Tower of London (paid): For many of us, just the name “Tower of London” is enough to conjure up images of blood and horror—strangled princes, headless queens and shrieking ghosts. While atrocities have happened here, the Tower itself feels strangely tranquil today, with its inner keep filled with grassy lawns and crowds of schoolchildren. Even the infamous ravens here are kept tame. There are two reasons you should visit the Tower, even if you don’t have the stomach for gore. Firstly, the Crown Jewels, a stunning display of crowns, scepters and jewels, which always have a long line (or “queue,” as the Brits say). The second is the White Tower, built in 1097, and still impressive today. It contains a gallery of armor and a striking light-filled chapel that livens up the Tower’s gloomy reputation. 10/10.
- St. Paul’s Cathedral (paid, free during services): A masterpiece of Baroque architecture, the massive dome of St. Paul’s Cathedral still dominates the skyline, as it did during WWII when it withstood the Battle of Britain. It was the brainchild of Christopher Wren, who created it to replace the cathedral lost in the fire of 1666. Entering the church to view the ornate interior costs money, but if you want to save, you can get in for free during worship services. 8/10
Best of Westminster:
- Buckingham Palace (paid): Full disclosure: I did not actually visit Buckingham Palace. Our trip to London was sort of a last-minute thing, and we did not have the time and money to book tickets to Buckingham Palace. These tickets must be booked several months in advance, and as of press time, cost £100 ($133.86) PER PERSON. Oh well. From what I can see on Google Street View, the inside of the palace looks lovely. However, if you can’t stand this blatant attempt at taxation without representation, just settle for watching the Changing of the Guard performances outside. ???/10.
- St. James’s Park: While the spelling of this park might violate The Hoot’s style guide, (and yes, this is how it’s actually spelled, deal with it), this is a tranquil oasis and the oldest of London’s famous Royal Parks. Just steps away from Buckingham Palace, the chaos of the surrounding city suddenly vanishes into a bucolic, faux-countryside landscape, the centerpiece of which is a tranquil willow-lined pond. Only glimpses of Buckingham Palace and the London Eye above the tree cover serve as reminders of where you really are. 8/10.
- Green Park: Exactly what the name implies. Unlike its neighbor and fellow Royal Park, St. James’s, there are no water features here, and only a few scattered monuments. Otherwise, it’s just trees and grass. A great place to unwind, not to sightsee. 5/10.
- Palace of Westminster (paid): This, the home of Parliament, is one of the most recognizable buildings in the world—the first glimpse of the Big Ben clocktower, looming over Parliament Square, feels like something straight out of a movie. But there’s much more inside. Having been to both the Capitol in Washington, D.C. and the Palace of Westminster, I can say that Westminster is the more interesting of the two, by far. The self-guided audio tour takes you up close and personal with the Chambers of both houses of Parliament and the hallways used by MPs to cast their votes—much closer than you can get in D.C. Overall, it’s an architectural gem that also gives you a sense of how British government works. 9/10.
- Westminster Abbey (paid, free during services): Unlike the Palace of Westminster next door, there is really no American equivalent to Westminster Abbey. As if being the site of coronations and royal weddings wasn’t enough, it’s also the proud final resting place of over 3,000 famous British people. Every nook and cranny of the interior is crammed full of sculptures, monuments and tombs. The list of those buried in this single church is just too long for me to include here, but just for starters, look out for the tombs of Elizabeth I, Chaucer, Newton, and the Grave of the Unknown Warrior. Again, you can get in for free during services, but I wouldn’t recommend it. There is just too much to see and experience here, and the only way you can even begin to understand the significance of this place is through a tour. 10/10.
- Tate Britain (free): Just south of the Palace of Westminster, this museum displays the history of British art from the 1500s onwards. A single visit to this museum is like a trip through 500 years of British history; each room represents a particular artistic period, arranged chronologically to demonstrate the gradual evolution of artistic styles. 8/10.
Best of Trafalgar:
- Trafalgar Square: Sitting at the heart of London is this graceful public space, dominated by the soaring Nelson’s Column. It’s a great place to idle around and people-watch, especially in the evening glow, with the sounds of passing buses, spraying fountains and Bollywood music drifting from someone’s boom box. Note the four plinths surrounding the square: while three of them support statues of kings and generals, the fourth one was left empty for 150 years and now features rotating displays of (often wacky) modern sculpture. Also, if that church in the corner looks weirdly familiar, that’s because it is. St. Martin-in-the-Fields, built in 1726, was the prototype for most churches here in the States. 8/10.
- The National Gallery (free): While the building that takes up the north side of Trafalgar Square might look a little unwieldy, inside you’ll find the British government’s collection of European paintings, spanning from the 13th to 20th centuries, from da Vinci to van Gogh. While the collection isn’t especially large, it’s just the right size to keep it from feeling overwhelming, and there are plenty of hidden gems throughout. If the cursed British weather happens to strike, spend a relaxing day getting lost here. Best of all, it’s free! 9/10.
Best of South London
- The London Eye (paid): While a bit on the pricier side, taking a ride on this iconic observation wheel is worth it. The prime advantage (compared to an observation deck, of which there are many in London) is the fact that the view constantly changes over the 30 or so minutes of the wheel’s rotation. Monuments like Big Ben, Buckingham Palace and the Shard slowly emerge into view and then fade away, depending on where your pod is located. It’s almost like viewing multiple parts of the city at the same time. The wheel rotates so slowly and gently that you enter and exit the pods while they are still moving, helping make the changes in the scenery more subtle. While it might feel a bit too touristy for some, taking a ride is still worth the cost. 7/10.
- Shakespeare’s Globe (paid): It would be every English major’s dream to view Shakespeare’s plays in an exact replica of their original setting, right? Right? Well, authenticity has its drawbacks. The theater (or theatre, as the British spell it for some reason), is beautifully decorated, but as in Elizabethan days, you only have two options for seating: Either stand for the duration of the play in the open-air yard right below the stage, or sit in the galleries with their uncomfortable wood benches and pillars in weird locations blocking the stage. (You can rent cushions to make sitting down a little easier.) Nonetheless, you’ll soon forget all of this as soon as you get sucked into the world of the performance. 7/10.
Spotlight on the British Museum (free):
I went to the British Museum for two reasons. The first was curiosity. The second: I was under the impression that since the museum was free, I would not be rewarding British colonialism with a single cent of my money. Unfortunately, I ended up buying a £20 pizza for lunch ($26). That price is horrifying enough on its own without the thought that my money is now in the hands of the British Museum.
To this very day, the British Museum continues to maintain the fiction that they are simply a humble educational institution, nothing more. Their website reads: “The British Museum is unique in bringing together under one roof the cultures of the world, spanning continents and oceans. No other museum is responsible for collections of the same depth and breadth, beauty and significance. Its eight million objects allow us to explore the extraordinary diversity of human cultures, from small communities to vast empires, to discover the many forms and expressions human beings have given to every aspect of life, and to realise how closely they are interconnected.”
I find these lines of copy fascinating because we all know, and the British Museum itself knows, that this is not anywhere close to the full story. The British Museum is infamous not because of its educational value, or its “depth and breadth,” but because so much of the collection has been outright stolen from their countries of origin and because despite the pleas from these countries to return the objects, the British Museum stubbornly refuses, even to this day. In this sense, it’s less of a museum and more of a gigantic trophy room showing the might of the British Empire at its peak.
So what’s it like inside? The actual museum building is, honestly, quite well-designed. The museum is sprawling, but clearly organized by section, and there’s signage and elevators throughout. The structure is kept clean and modern, with an impressive glass-covered atrium in the center, and every artifact is given an informative label. And I will admit, there is something truly unique about the way the museum draws collections between so many different cultures and societies; the way you’re able to see objects from nearly every corner of the planet in a single building. But you know why objects from nearly every corner of the planet are in one single building? Because of theft.
So while every aspect of the museum experience should have been enjoyable, knowing about the museum’s infamy did fill me with a sense of unease. As I walked from glass case to glass case, I simultaneously marveled at the contents within and couldn’t stop wondering who decided that these objects deserved to be in London instead of with the people who made them. This effect was especially profound in the gallery purpose-built to hold the Elgin Marbles, taken from the Parthenon in the 1800s and never given back despite the pleas of the Greek government. The artfully posed sculptures are placed in front of an empty, gray wall. I couldn’t help thinking how these sculptures were removed from the walls they used to adorn, and that, somewhere in Athens, there’s a museum with gaps where these sculptures are supposed to be.
I understand that basically every museum that I have enjoyed, from the Louvre in Paris to the MFA in Boston, is guilty of this practice in one form or another. Nevertheless, the British Museum is so associated with imperialism—especially imperialism in the Third World—that it felt harder to have any sort of academic or aesthetic experience without being accompanied by a constant sense of guilt. View this museum as a relic of another age, a leftover of a long-diminished Empire, a high-water mark of conquest, and abandon any pretense that this is a neutral, educational institution. Only then does that feeling of guilt start to abate.
If I look at this museum through a purely quantitative lens, looking at the sheer scale and importance of the collection, and the vast pains taken to improve the visitor experience, I would give this a 8/10 at least. But I can’t do that in good faith. Nor can I give this museum a purposefully low rating like 1/10 on the basis of its sordid history alone: disregarding how important to humanity these artifacts are, no matter how they came to London. I would just tell you to make up your own mind. It’s free to enter, after all, as long as you don’t pay for pizza.
